Today marks a week since Eric came home. I'm so happy he's home. We've been having such a wonderful time together, just like he never left. The only difference between then and now is that we're closer than ever and we have grown so much in each other over the past year. I know that our relationship is stronger and more wonderful than before. Saturday he starts leave, so we'll be going to Oklahoma for a while, then to Hawaii. I think we're going to spend Thanksgiving with my family this year. Better food there than at his, ha!!!! It was his choice too. Of course then we'll be at his families for Christmas. I'm really looking forward to holidays this year. I dreaded them last year, but they've never looked better than they do this year. We bought new furniture for the apartment. It looks so good. The last of it was delivered today. I also got Eric a Line X bedliner for his truck, which he loves. We have a ball in December for his unit and I got my dress yesterday. I also got my rings back from the jewelers yesterday. I had to put them in to get sized, and I went down 2 sizes! I was excited about that. Everything is going good, but in case I don't update for a while, since we will be on vacation, I hope everything is going good with everything else. Courtney and Charla, enjoy your husbands, and congratulations on very soon homecoming!!!!!!!!

I would like to thank all the blogger girls who helped me through the year of deployment. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for the support you gave me during the rough times and for understanding during the bad days. I can't say now that it's over that looking back it went by faster then I thought it was. I guess some people can, but I'm not one of them. It went slow, no doubt about it, but thanks to the many friends I made through blogger, it wasn't as rough as it could have been. I made it through with relatively few break downs and without making myself and everyone around me miserable. I'm stronger because of this deployment and I know that both Eric and myself have grown because of it. For that, I'm extremely grateful. I appreciate every word of comfort and for all the support from all of you. Thank you all so very much!!!

The last couple days have flown by since Eric's home again. He had 48 hrs off, but had to go back to work today. Thankfully the next couple weeks are just half days and then he gets his 30 days block leave. We're planning on going to Hawaii for a few of those days. Then of course spend time with the rest of the family. His mom and sister were here until yesterday. It kind of irritated me because of course I wanted to spend alone time with him and they were always there. Oh well, at least we got most of the day yesterday alone. We went furniture shopping yesterday. We bought a new couch, table/chairs, coffee table, end table, and dresser. We also bought from three different furniture stores and so we have deliveries coming today, tomorrow and Monday, lol. I think Eric wants to drive down to Oklahoma tomorrow so he can watch the OU game with dad. He told me a while back he really missed that, so I think that's what we'll do this weekend. It's so wonderful having him home. It's amazing how much you really realize that you missed their company once their home. I knew I missed him, of course, but I don't think it really hit me until he got here. My friend is so great too, she stayed up until 3 a.m. the day he came in just so she could tape the ceremony for us. She hadn't even met Eric until that point. I'm so grateful she did that. Here are a couple pictures of when he came home and was released. After they came in (which took forever and I was really irritated when we had to watch that stupid video while they were standing right outside the door!) it didn't take long for the guy to say what he had to say and then release them. Although he said that there were 3 other people who wanted to say something and I about committed murder, lol. But apparently he was either kidding or didn't know what he was doing, because there wasn't, Thank God!!! So, I bolted towards Eric and the first picture is the first hug we had. Also, my weight loss the day Eric got home was a total of 75 lbs. I've lost 11 inches in my waist, and my rings keep flying off my fingers. I hadn't sent pictures of myself to Eric in about two months, I told him the end result would be a surprise. I think he was very pleasantly surprised. After he hugged me he held me out at arms length and said, "Wow." lol... I took that as a compliment. I'm not sure if you can tell in the pictures, but that's my new haircut too.

He's home! Safe and sound!!!!!! After sitting at the gym for about 2 hrs and having to watch a video that they made for the new Army slogan "Army Strong" they finally came in. They saved the stupid video until they were outside. I was so irritated. They couldn't have showed it to us the last 2 hrs we were there? Geez... Oh Well, the Army has their own way of doing things and most the time it doesn't make much sense. It doesn't matter now though. He's home and it's so wonderful. Aahhh.... I finally get to have a good night's sleep, I can't wait.

My MIL and SIL came up yesterday. I'm going crazy here with them by myself. Nobody else is here to take up the slack. My friend was over most the day with me yesterday and she stayed for quite a while after they got here. I was so thankful that she was here to occasionally slip in the conversation and give me a break. I told my mom I thank God for her! lol...It's the truth. She's been a blessing. Of course I can't say when Eric will be home, but I can say, the next time I post he will be here! I'm so excited. Although my inlaws are taking some of the joy away from me because my nerves are being tested very badly with them here. I love them, don't get me wrong, but they sure do know how to test me. My MIL spent about 3 hrs yesterday talking about her crocheting and then got onto me about leaving the lights and TV on. Um...last I checked she didn't pay the electric bill! Ugh...well I just keep telling myself, keep your eyes on the end, it's all worth it! I can take my inlaws, but in moderation. The past 24 hrs have been so stressful! I was telling my friend about them before they got here. I don't think she quite believed me until she seen it with her own eyes. I talked to her today and she said she just kept thinking, "how do you stand it?" lol... Constant talking and droning on and on about nothing. AAAAHHHHHH. Ok, that's my vent for today, actually that's the third time I've vented that today, lol. Anyways, I'll post later, and my husband will be home!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had another FRG meeting today. We mainly talked about the ball we're going to have around Christmas time. We did, of course, talk about the homecoming. They narrowed the day down a little for us, which is super exciting. Of course because of OPSEC I can't say anything about that. I guess the most I can say is soon, very soon. I'm just ready for the whole thing to be over. I'm tired of waiting. Nights are longer than ever and sleep doesn't come easy. All my days of having something to look forward to are over, so the next date to look for is his actual homecoming. I feel like Courtney on the updating thing though. I just feel like I'm saying the same things over and over again. I can't give out specifics and there's nothing else to talk about. Except, classes started yesterday. I'm trying to keep busy with that. Our anniversary wasn't as hard as I expected it to be, thanks to my friend. She came and got me and we went out to eat and went shopping. Then she spent the rest of the day here at my place. She's been so helpful. I'm so thankful that God sent her my way. It's nice to have someone to talk to who understands and who will help pass time away. I told her that my neighbors probably think I'm the one who flew over the coo coo's nest. lol...Sometimes I think I'm going crazy.

Sorry it's been a while. I haven't been busy or anything, it's just been kind of depressing the past week. I know it's getting time for him to come home, but I don't think time could go any slower. Although I thought that during the bulk of the deployment too and low and behold it IS able to go slower. I've been hanging out with my friend and trying to keep occupied, but still time goes by so slow. I didn't go make signs with the FRG yesterday. I thought a few weeks ago when I was still in Oklahoma that I would be handy and change the windshield wipers on the truck. Well, I couldn't, for the life of me, get the stupid things to lock on. I asked my dad to look at it before I left, but I asked him at night and he forgot. So, they are just kind of sitting on the arm, and not actually operable without flying off if I turned them on. Well it rained all day yesterday, so I wasn't about to drive the 30 minutes to the place without wipers. Oh well. Tomorrow is our 4 year anniversary. At least he'll be home soon, if time would go by at a normal speed that is.

I went to an FRG meeting. It was the first meeting (besides the redeployment briefing) that I've been to since Eric left. The only reason I went was because they were going to talk about the homecoming ceremony and I wanted to know what was going on. The time frame has changed a little. They pushed them back by three days, no big deal. I was already expecting that time frame anyways, since Eric and I have talked about the different things we've heard, so no real change. Other than that, they didn't really say much. Everything is still so tentative. They're not even sure where they're going to have the ceremony at yet. Of course I wish they knew more, so family could make plans and such, but there's nothing anybody can do, so no use in worrying about it all. They did talk about the ball they're going to have in December. It will be my first military ball, so I'm kind of looking forward to it. I think it will be neat to get all dressed up with Eric and go for a night out. Right now though, I'm just looking forward to him coming home!

I’ve kind of broken up the time until he comes home with stupid stuff. For instance, on Oct 1 I broke it down by the 3rd I was getting a haircut, today was the FRG meeting, the 12th is our anniversary (celebrating 4 wonderful years of marriage to my loving husband) and so on and so forth, little dates to help make it not seem so far away. I was telling my friend that I’m sure that to civilian people, military wives seem like nuts jobs with all the little things we do to break up the time we’re away from our guys. Oh well, we all do what we have to do to get through, that’s what’s important. They are getting together next week and the week after to make signs and such for the homecoming and I think I'll go, if for no other reason then to add more stuff to break up the time until he's home.

I got two compliments at the meeting too. The first was on my haircut. It was actually my third haircut in the past two weeks, ha! I just couldn’t get it how I like it until this time. I love it! It’s not short or anything, but it has lots of layers. Then another lady complimented me on my weight loss. She told me I was looking really good, which made me feel pretty good. I have lost 70.5 lbs now! My mom said that another 15 lbs and she thinks I'll be just right. My goal is another 25 lbs though, but I'll just have to wait and see what looks best when I get down some more. Not much more to go though, so that's wonderful! I'm pretty proud of myself. I told Eric the other day, no more pictures of me until he gets home. I want the end result to be a surprise. I can't wait until he's home!!! Lord I hope the next few weeks go by quickly!

I did myself a little dance today while turning the page on the calendar over. Why? Because I can officially say, "I'LL SEE MY HUSBAND THIS MONTH!!!!" I thought September would never end, but it finally did. YAY!!!! Now, just a few more weeks and it'll all be over.

I had a bit of a break down today, but I guess it's to be expected. The shorter the time gets the farther away it seems. It just seems that the end is right there, but I just can't get there. I'm thinking it wasn't the best idea in the world to move back up here and be alone. I did, however, make a friend but she's out of town right now, and I'm not sure when she'll be home. When she's home she helps fill my days up. Her husband just deployed last month, so she's just beginning the journey, although this is his second deployment.

I guess the only thing to do is keep on keepin' on. The Lord has got me through this much of it, He'll give me the strength for the rest.

I'm back in Kansas again. I had a hard time deciding if I should go ahead and come back up here or if I should stay down in Oklahoma for a while longer, but obviously coming back home won out. I'm glad I did too now. When I got home there was a note on my door that said my stationary bike would be delivered tomorrow. YAY! My parents gave me the money for it, they said I was doing a really good job, and to keep up the hard work. They're so sweet. The next time I see my family, Eric will be here. Man, it sounds so good to hear that, and to see it. They're going to try and come up, but they're not sure yet if they'll be able to. It's hard to make plans when you can't get a date nailed down. Eric's mom and sister will probably be up here, but his mom's a little anal when it comes to her work. When I called to tell her the time frame she was looking at the calendar trying to figure out if it would fall after she does payroll. Apparently the world would fall apart if she taught the other lady that works in the office how to do it for one week. Oh well, that's one of the many things you have to get used to when it comes to my MIL.

I guess it's because the time is coming up soon, but I've been very on edge the past few days. My sister was getting the brunt end of the deal yesterday. She seemed to be being very rude, and I snapped at her a couple times. When I apologized she said, "Geez, are you pregnant?" lol... Unfortunately, no. I just wish this time would get over with already.

I wonder if my neighbors wonder if I'll ever quit bringing boxes into this place. I swear it's like we have the stash of never-ending crap. At least most of the boxes this time was from stuff Eric sent home! YAY! It's kind of hard to find places to put it all though when you live in a two bedroom apartment. Gotta love the 700 pairs of issued boots! Maybe they do that because back in the day the soldiers had to wear their's for so long that they just ended up walking right out of them, so they don't want that to happen nowadays, so they issue as many as possible. Ok, I'm rambling, that's what happens when you drive 7 1/2 hrs ALONE from Oklahoma to Kansas, with nothing in between but some wheat fields. You go insane.

I'm so very tired, so if this post doesn't make sense, I'm so sorry.

When I got to my parent's house on Thursday I had two surprises that Eric sent me. In the first package I found a Nicholas Sparks book, "At First Sight." I love Nicholas Sparks' books and I love the movie "At First Sight," which is, of course, based off his novel. He also wrote "The Notebook." So sweet! The second package just made my heart melt even more. I opened it and in it was a note that said, "I seen this and thought of you. I love you always and forever, Eric ********." lol...First of all, he signs everything to me with his first and last name. That always cracks me up. Anyways, in that package was the movie, "Fried Green Tomatoes." Oh my gosh, I LOVE this movie. It's one of my favorites and Eric knows that I love it and he bought it for me. How sweet!!! I have also received two packages from him of his stuff! YAY!!! There is one more box on the way and it's the guitar that one of his old roommates gave him.

All three of his roommates have left to go home. He was in a room all by himself for the remainder of the time there. Until one female NCO decided she wanted a room all to herself so they kicked him out and made him move in with two new people that he's never met for the remainder of his stay. Anyways, I was a little aggrivated about that, but hey, it's the Army way.

Yesterday I got up and talked to Eric, then I took my sister and her friend to Oklahoma City to the mall. We left at 10 a.m. and was home by 5 p.m. It was an alright trip, but I was tired after that. Then I got home and my brother's exgf was wanting me to go to a girls night with her. I said alright because she said she wasn't staying the night, just going over there for a while. We went over there and had some fun just sitting around talking and laughing about the good ole days. There was just 5 of us, and 4 of us used to be pretty good friends back in the day, so it was good to catch up. Well, we stayed longer than I expected. I actually just got home, and have had no sleep since I woke up at 8 yesterday morning. I can't wait to climb into bed and catch some zzzz's but Eric's going to call this morning and I know if I don't wait up I won't wake up when he calls, or I'll be falling asleep while he's trying to talk to me, lol. I defintely don't want that, because I treasure every second I have talking to him. I've neglected my homework this week and if I don't get it done today I will be behind, but that's about 10000 on my list of things to do, so I don't actually care about that at this particular time.

We had our redeployment briefing today, which was really nice. The meeting itself sucked, but just the thought that they are coming home soon is nice. I'm so excited that soon I will be back with my husband, where we belong. I have no idea what to do for his homecoming. I'm really at a loss for creative ideas. I just want my husband home. I just want next month to be here and over with. Our FRG leader asked me today if I was excited about them coming home soon. I said "Yeah." She said, "You don't look like it." How am I supposed to look? I'm not going to jump up and down at a redeployment briefing when we still have some time left and there was no mention of an exact date and especially with people who I have had basically no contact with over the past year. My husband, the love of my life, my best friend, is coming home after being away for a year. Of course I'm excited. Put him in front of me and then see how excited I am, lol. I'm going back to Oklahoma tomorrow. I'm dreading the trip, but tomorrow is my sister's 16th birthday. I can't believe that she's going to be 16. I absolutely HATE that! She's not supposed to be that big, she's just supposed to be a little girl forever. Is that too much to ask?

Well, I have neglected "Gettin' Fit Friday" for a few weeks, but most of it was due to situations that were not in my control. Anyways, hopefully now I can get back to updating about that. I have still been doing good with my exercises. I have lost 65 1/2 pounds so far. I've been having to improvise as far as working out, since I don't have my treadmill or the stationary bike at the moment. I've just been using my "Billy Bands" for resistance and doing my own thing. The bike I was using is my dad's and since I moved I have to get my own. My parents would have given me the one of his but it was a birthday present, lol. They did give me money to get a new one, they said they were very proud of me and it was my present for doing so well. They certainly are very sweet people.

I came up to Kansas on Wednesday. After I got the news that we're having the redeployment briefing, I decided to come up and get this apartment done. I spent all evening on Wednesday working on this place, but I didn't yesterday. I met another military wife on one of the military wife groups I'm in, and we hung out yesterday, she's such a sweetheart too. Her husband just left to go overseas a couple weeks ago. Today, though, I have spent all day working on this place. I got up and finished my history homework real fast and the rest of the time I've been going and going trying to get all the boxes unpacked. I swear I think I've walked about 10 miles just around this place. I have made some really good progress though. I have unpacked EVERY box, except 2! Aaahhhh....time to sit and rest. Where does all the crap come from? I swear it didn't seem like we had this much stuff when we packed it up. It didn't seem like it when it was out in the other apartment either, but now, it seems like it in a big way. Stuff all over. No place to put it. What do I do? That's why man made the trash can! lol... I'm going back to Oklahoma next week for my sister's birthday, but so far staying up here hasn't been too bad. I'm just so ready for my husband to be here with me again. Right where he's supposed to be. I can't specify a date that Eric will be home, the closest I can say is I'll see him next month, but man it feels so good to say that! He said he was looking at the calendar yesterday and got excited seeing how many days we're down to. Lord help the time to go by quickly!

I am so very excited right now. I just got a call from my POC, and she said they have scheduled a redeployment briefing for next week. She also gave me a time frame for when they will be home, which is so exciting because it's a little before what we last heard!!! I'm so happy, I just want to do a little dance. So, my plans of staying here until my sister's birthday have changed, but it's well worth it. Although, she might be a little upset because I'm going to be late for her birthday party. Oh, well, she'll get over it. I'm so super excited right now!!!! YAY!!! The end is finally in sight and it's almost time to be with my husband again!!!!!

I got back from Kansas today. My grandpa's funeral was yesterday, it went as good as a funeral can go. They had a family dinner at 11:30 followed by a flower service (which, by the way, is a bit of a waste of time) and then the funeral started at 2. A lady sang "Wind Beneath My Wings" and then the lady that sang at my grandma's funeral sang "I Saw the Light" and "Old Rugged Cross." Grandpa always liked the ladies voice when she sang at Grandma's funeral, so they got her to sing for his too. When we went out to the cemetery, they had the military do the 21-gun salute, taps and the flag folding honors. That was really touching. Eric suggested to me that they ask the military to do the honors, and when I told my family they really liked the idea. It was so neat watching how precise and serious they take it. It filled me with pride knowing that Grandpa Ed fought for this country. He never talked much about his service, but he didn't have to. We all knew what he did for our country, and I think that's what makes the best soldier, doing what they have to do without wanting the recognition that they deserve. He went out with the highest honors though, and that is exactly what he deserved. The military gave the flag to my uncle, the oldest son, and he gave it to my dad. I told him I would buy him a display case to put it in. It was so weird going up there without him there. His wife sold his house a couple months ago and it was really odd not being able to over there to his house this time. My heart breaks for my dad and his brother and sisters. Dad isn't taking this very well, and he told me the other day, "It sure hurts to not have a mom or a dad anymore." He'll be fine, and time will help him deal, but I just wish I could help.

My parents were going up to Kansas yesterday to be with Grandpa and I was planning on staying home. The dr and nurses told everyone up there that they thought Grandpa was holding on for dad, so they decided to go up there. They were just supposed to go up yesterday, come home today and then go back tomorrow. I planned on just going back up with them when they went, but we got word yesterday that the dr gave him less than 24 hrs to live, so I decided to go up with them. My brother was going to take his vehicle later in the day, so I went with my mom, dad, and sister. When we got to the town where my aunt lives (an hr from where we were going) I decided to get out and wait on my brother, cause he was on his way up and only about 45 mins behind us. Mom, Dad and Meg went ahead of us and when we were about 30 mins from where we were going we got a call from Meg. Grandpa passed away. We went as fast as we could to get there and it seemed like an eternity. My brother said that he bet Grandma was up in Heaven singing a tune. When we got there my Aunt Dixie said that she was with Grandpa when he passed. It was right before my parents got there and she said she was outside and the nurse came and got her. She ran in and she said she grabbed his hand and said, "Dad, I love you and Tommy's here." (Tommy is my dad.) She said as soon as she said that he took his last breath. His funeral is Saturday at 2. Since he was in Korea, Eric suggested that they have a military funeral for him, and I told them that. Everyone really liked the idea, so they're sending him out with the honor he deserves. It's so sad to think that Grandpa isn't with us anymore. We won't ever be able to go up and see him at his house. There will definitely be a void in all of us. Nothing or nobody can every take the place of that guy. He's one of a kind. I'm just glad that he's not suffering anymore. The last couple years have been torture for the guy, losing his mind and knowing that he's losing it. The last two months have been agonizing for him, and the past two weeks I'm sure have been hell. He's up in Heaven with Jesus now, singing and laughing and being with the love of his life. For that, I am extremely grateful. I just wish it didn't hurt so much, I wish Eric was here for me to lean on.

This weekend has to go down as one of the worst in the history of my weekends. Friday I started to load the truck up with our things. Right away I climbed up in the bed of the truck, underneath the carport and hit my head on the metal bar that runs across the bottom of it. I laughed that off, and moved on. We loaded the treadmill, with my brother's help. He complained the whole time (that's the only thing we asked him to load). Then after it was loaded I decided it was taking up too much room and I wouldn't have enough room for everything else I had to take, so mom said I could keep it there and just get it when Eric got home. So, we waited on my brother to leave (so he wouldn't gripe about having to load it for nothing) before we unloaded it. Then we loaded the dresser and desk. The desk took up so much room and I hate that desk anyways (why I bought a black desk and all glass table tops when we picked out our furniture I'm still trying to figure out) , so after trying to load all the boxes around the desk (and hitting my head on that bar 3 more times) I got frustrated. Mom kept asking me, "Do you really need to take that?" I kept telling her that this is the last time I'm going to have any help, I don't want to have a bunch of crap to haul all by myself next time. I got mad and got in the back of the truck with a hammer and tore the desk down, in the process I hit my head yet another time on the bar and then hit it with the hammer. I was really frustrated but beating the desk down did help lol. I got almost everything loaded, minus a couple boxes I'll have to bring up here next time, and got the tarp on. That was the end of Friday.

Saturday was pretty uneventful, my sister and I made the trip up here. It was the longest this trip has every seemed to take. It was horribly long. It rained the whole way. The tarp started to come loose once, but I got out and fixed it and that's the most trouble it gave me. We got up here, unloaded, stayed up till 12:30 trying to get a few things done and putting my file cabinet together, that ended Saturday.

Sunday has stunk all the way around. First, I took my sister to the mall and when we were leaving my mom called and told me that Grandpa's breathing is really bad. She said that the dr and nurses told them that when a person loves their family as much as he does that sometimes they will hold on just for them. Well, I guess yesterday all of his kids (my dad included) told him that it's ok to leave and go be with Jesus. So mom wanted my sister and me to call and talk to grandpa and let him know that it's ok, since we have a very close relationship. When I got back home I called the hospital and had my aunt hold the phone to his ear. I told him that it's ok to let go and go be with Jesus, that he's done everything he can for his family and that we love him. Of course he didn't say anything because he's not coherent anymore, but it was still a hard conversation to have. After hanging up there I decided to try and get a few things accomplished around the house. I will say that I'm proud of myself, I put together the new, much improved, desk (with some help from my sister) without any incident or without getting frustrated. As soon as I got it together, I put my computer up and was hooking up my printer. My parents bought me a printer for Christmas last year, a really nice one. I love that printer. It has the place to stick the memory card for my digital camera in it, making it super easy to make prints off, it has the scanner, copier, ect. I love it. Well, as I was plugging it in, it falls off the stupid desk, and shattered. Great. I called my mom upset, she told me not to worry about it. I shook that off and went to Wal Mart to do some grocery shopping. We went in, got everything I needed, paid, come out and unload them into the truck. My sister went to put the cart away, I push the button to unlock the driver's side, put my purse in the passenger side and shut the door. I walk around to the driver's side, and low and behold, the door is locked. I pushed it the wrong way. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! I called my mom again, lol. She asked dad what I should do, he said go ask the customer service people if they have a way to get it open, if not call a lock smith. I went in, they didn't have a way, I called a lock smith. We went back out the truck and stood there for over an hour waiting on some guy to come, work for 1 minute and charge me $35. Oh well, we were able to finally leave. Now, I'm back home, I talked to Eric, he definitely made me feel better, and it's still not the end of Sunday.

I bought a journal to keep for Eric when he left and I wrote in it almost everyday that he was gone. By the time he came home for R&R I had filled every page. It worked out to be only one page more than I needed, which I thought was kind of funny. When he left I bought another one to keep for the second half of our deployment journey. It's more than 3/4 of the way filled, I counted the pages, and it came to one page less then the VERY tentative date that we've been given of the time he'll be coming home. Kind of odd if you ask me.

I'm loading up the truck tomorrow for my drive this weekend to the oh-so-wonderful state of Kansas. I'm really excited about it though. I'm ready to get the rest of our things up there and start getting the place in order for when Eric comes home. I really just want to have a place for him to come and not have to worry about helping me unpack and get things in order. A place for him to relax and kick his feet up, with no worries. I love the thought that he'll be home very soon. I've come to realize that the term "very soon" changes once you go through a deployment. It's not that it's tomorrow or even a couple weeks from now, but when you get to a point where it's down to the lower double digits of days it's "very soon."

Our trip up to Kansas was a quick one, but we got to see Grandpa. The first day we were there he was sleeping the whole time, and wouldn't wake up. The second day he was up and they even had him out in the lobby area. He was giving kisses and he drank a couple glasses of water. He hadn't drank anything on his own in about a week, so that was really good. He's still refusing to eat though and yesterday he was irritable I guess. The hospice nurse told them yesterday that she didn't see any decline over the weekend, but no improvement either. Eric and I talked about sending a red cross message to him, but we decided it would be better if we just waited it out. They don't consider grandparents immediate family (which I think is ridiculous) and he might not have gotten it anyways. He just feels so bad because he's not here with me and he wants to be here to help. Of course it's definitely not his fault and he shouldn't feel like that, but I know it would seem a lot easier for the both of us if he was here.

I'm going up to Kansas this weekend with my sister to move the rest of my things up there. Then I have to bring my sister back down here and then go back up there and then I'll be there. That's so wonderful though. We will be one more step closer to Eric being home with me. My mom said she doesn't like that I'm going up there, but I have to get up there and get our place in order. I don't want Eric to come home to a house full of boxes. Not that it would bother him, but I'd just like to have the whole place in order, that way we don't have to worry about that when he first gets home. Besides, I need a major break from this house and my family. As blessed as I am to have them and to have been able to stay here for the time Eric's been gone, I NEED OUT! Hopefully between moving, school and unpacking it will help time go by quickly. As long as things with Grandpa don't get worse I'll be able to focus all my attention on those things. Am I the only one who thinks the month of August has stalled and will never come to an end? I suppose September and October will feel the same way though. I just can't wait until the day I wake up and it's time to go pick him up.

Blogger was messing up for a while, but I finally decided to try and republish the stupid thing and it worked, so that's good.

I've been doing ok this week as far as working out. I've been doing it like always, twice a day. I think I'm a bit addicted to Tae Bo. I love it. I went through all my clothes and had to get rid of most of them. It kind of sucked, but only because I had to get rid of so many things I had never even got a chance to wear because it was too small. Then they were too big, so they had to go. That's good, don't get me wrong, but I hate having to buy new clothes. I hate clothes shopping, lol. I told my mom today that I'm finally down to what I've had on my driver's license, lol. Well, as I'm sure you all can put two and two together, I was so much heavier then that number who in the world did I think I was foolin'? lol... Oh well, I was ashamed, and still am, about how much I let myself go. Now, though I'm quite proud of the way I feel. I have so much more energy now then I used to and I don't feel so self conscious. It's hard getting up the energy and strength to get started, but I am so thankful that the Lord gave me what I needed to get off my butt and do it. Of course I still have my hard days when I don't want to do anything, but I still do it, because I know more than anything that I don't want to go back to where I came from. It's a lifelong journey, but with the Lord's help I can do it.

I miss my husband. I miss the comfort that he gives me when I'm feeling down. I miss the way he always knows when something is wrong with me, even when I try to hide it. I miss the way he pesters me to tell him what's wrong when I don't want to. I miss the kisses and hugs and feeling so safe and secure in his arms. I miss everything about him and I just keep going through each day hoping that the next day go faster then this one did. They never do, but I guess that's to be expected. I'm looking forward to just being able to say, "I'll see you next month." I hope that day comes soon.

I'm going up to Kansas tomorrow morning to see my Grandpa. He's in the nursing home and they started him on Hospice today. I still don't know if the dr's have given any kind of estimation on how long he has, because that's a hard question to ask. My Aunt Dixie told my mom yesterday that Grandpa just keeps saying, "Lord have mercy." My dad said he heard him say that a few days ago, but didn't think anything of it. My mom asked what he thinks of it now and Dad said "I think he's ready to go." Dad had a very hard time when he lost his mom, and it's going to be so much worse on him with his dad. They have always been best buddies and Dad depends so much on Grandpa. I've been thinking about the times I have spent alone time with Grandpa and these two stories stick out greatest in my mind (sorry for the length): When I was 16, my brother moved to Nevada. Well, both of my aunt's lived there along with some of my cousins. When I was 17 my Grandpa wanted to drive out there and see them. Just him and I went. It was the first road trip I had been on, and I definitely wasn't an experienced highway driver (I'm from an extremly small town, and have parents that are really protective). So we were driving and we, for some reason I still don't understand, took the corner of Nebraska. Well, I'm driving through this little town, and I drive past a line of cops at the beginning of the town. I get past those cops and get on the highway (we were lost) and I come up on this cop and almost rear end him because he doesn't have his lights on. So, I swerve over real fast and go around him, and then get pulled over for not using my turn signal. Well, the cop doesn't give me a ticket and tries to explain how to get the heck out of that town. I was so nervous I switched and let Grandpa drive. I insisted that he not tell anybody about me getting pulled over, and he said alright. So, we try and follow the cops directions and end up at the beginning of the town again, where all the cops are. Grandpa drives really slow, always has, and one of the cops pulled him over. They said he was swerving and thought he might be a drunk driver, which is what they were all doing out there. So, he calls in the plates and the cop that had just pulled me over comes over the radio and says he just pulled us over and whatnot. Grandpa didn't get a ticket either, but we did get escorted out of town, lol. When we got to Nevada I told everyone. Grandpa said, "I thought we wasn't going to tell anybody." I said, "No, that was when I was the only one who had got pulled over, it's ok now that you did too." Grandpa said, "No, you're just a typical woman, you just wanted to be the one to tell them, so you told me not to." lol... He always cracks me up. Then another time I was driving him back up to Kansas and I passed a car and I noticed him gripping the arm rest, I said, "Grandpa, am I scaring you?" He said, "Oh, no. You're only going 80 uphill on the wrong side of the road." LOL..... Ok, I'm done with my useless stories of the night. Sorry I rambled.

Thank you to everyone for all your prayers. It's been such a blessing, and I'm so thankful to each and everyone of you girls.