Vanessa is so sweet. She sent me the most beautiful scrapbook for Ryan Tommy. It was so thoughtful and I appreciate it so very much. Thank you Vanessa! I can't wait to put pictures in it.

I'm exhausted. Eric has to go out to the field tomorrow and spend the weekend out there. I'm not looking forward to that at all. I don't enjoy the thought of not having help. Ryan and I are going to my mom's, but it won't be the same as having Eric. I don't like asking for help, in fact I don't ask for help. It's a flaw of mine, I know.

We spent most of last week with my family, it was spring break for Eric. My Grandma, aunt, and cousins came down on Saturday so they could see Ryan. My cousin told me he looks a lot bigger in his pictures than in real life. He's a little guy, so cute and cuddley. Easter Sunday was hard for me. I went to the cemetary and they had put up my dad's headstone. It's as nice as one of those can be. We got our family pictures back, they turned out really good. I'll post them later. Today is my brother's 27th birthday. He working at a job where he has to watch the wells after the rigs have left, which means he has to stay out there 23 hrs a day, two weeks on one week off. So, he'll only have enough time to eat lunch with his wife and then go back to work, but I hope he has a good day. We had him a surprise party Saturday before last thankfully. My sister has another golf tournament today, I hope she does well. I really don't have much to say lately. I don't know why. Life is just strange these days.

Monday our beautiful baby boy turned 6 wks old. Monday was also 8 wks since we buried my dad and two months since he passed. Life is strange. Monday also was when my sister played her first golf tournament and it happened to have been here where we live, so we were able to go and watch her play the last 9 holes. She did really good for her first time. She's only been on the team for a couple weeks and she scored a 125. I'm so proud of her. I was very glad we were able to go and watch her play. She's so beautiful and talented, I couldn't be more proud. My brother loves golf too, he's the one who encouraged her to join this year so he's ecstatic that's she's playing. While we were watching she was down at one hole and Eric, Ryan and I were above where she was. I told Eric I sure wished Dad was there, he would have yelled "yatta hey!" as loud as he could, not caring that he was at a golf tournament where you're supposed to be quiet lol. He was always proud of his kids and he always wanted them to know he was there supporting them, even if it did embarrass us to death. :)

I'm very proud of my mom. She is in her last semester of school, she'll graduate with her bachelor's in May. She's doing her internship this semester, two days a week at a DOC and two days at a drug rehab. She's worked very hard to get to where she's at and I know that right now this is the last thing that she wants to be doing, yet she's still plugging along. She is definitely someone to look up to, and I do. I know that she would rather curl up and do nothing right now, but God is giving her the strength to get up each and every day and continue. She has more courage and strength than anyone I know and I hope that I inherited even a tenth of it from her. I love her and thank God for her each and every day.

My baby will be a month old tomorrow. I can't believe it, he's growing so fast. Someone gave us a picture frame that has a slot for a picture of each month until he's a year, it's so cute and such a good idea. I'm glad we got it. My sister's boyfriend gave Ryan a rubber ducky that is just about as big as he is, it's so cute. I know he'll have a blast with it when he's big enough to play with it. He wasn't as amused as we were when we had him sit on it lol.

We had him dedicated at church this past Sunday. I thought it was really neat and I know the Lord will hold him in His hands as he goes through life. Ryan is almost as big as his Pooh now. I really can't believe how fast he's growing. I know I shouldn't be surprised, but I am. My sister is going to watch him for a while on Saturday so Eric and I can go out to eat or something. I asked her if she wanted to watch him for an hr or so and she said, "I would love to for more than an hour, for more than three!" lol. She's goofy. I really don't know if I'll be able to go though, I haven't been away from him for more than 30 minutes since he was born.

I think we might go visit Eric's mom today for a while. We haven't seen her since the day after Ryan was born. I really kinda dread going to visit her. She's nice enough, just thinks she knows everything and tries to tell me what to do. I hate being told what to do. I despise it with a passion. I'm a pretty stubborn person and so I tend to buck when people tell me what to do. I do believe I got that from both my parents lol. Also his whole family tends to think that everything is their business and it's not. There are things that they just do not have the right to know and they don't know their boundaries. You know the day that Ryan was born she says this since he was early, "Well, you must have been pregnant before your last period, that's why he came when he did." Um...no. First of all, my brother and everyone was standing there, thank you for blurting that out in front of everyone. Second of all, he measured exactly as he should at each appt and thirdly, he was smaller than he would have been had he been full term. Thank you. Why? Why do people think they know everything and think that it's ok to say whatever pops into their heads at any given moment? Who knows? Not I. Ahhh....deep breath. Anyways, hopefully it will be a good visit and I won't have my blood pressure rise lol.

Yesterday was a not so good day for me. I miss my dad so much and I believe that it's just started to really sink in that he's not here any more. I think that with being pregnant when he passed and then having Ryan 18 days after and having to adjust to a newborn at home, that I was able to keep it at the back of my mind and not really deal with it. I have lived in denial about as long as I could and now I have to deal with it. I don't want to. I honestly would rather live in denial. I do not want to have to face the fact that my dad is gone and he's not going to be there when we go to my parent's house. We went over there weekend before last and noone was home when we got there. My sister had given us the key to get in and it was the strangest feeling walking in and not seeing my dad there. He was always there, always. He was supposed to be there forever. I need him to be there. I need him to be a phone call away. He was always there to bail me out of whatever bind I found myself. He was there everytime my stupid car I drove in high school broke down. He was there everytime I needed a ride. Everytime I needed anything, he was there. He taught me how to drive. He let me steer the car while he worked the gas and brake. He would let us ride in the back of his pickup while he drove real slow and let us grab the branches on the trees as we passed by so we could take the leaves off. He would take us fishing and even though I always wanted to leave after about 10 mins he would take me anyways. He would catch a fish and put it on our lines so we would think we had caught it. When I was 16 my brother was 18 and moved to Nevada. He had a CD player in his car when he left and told me I could have it. Well apparantely I didn't realize that they made adapters so that they would fit into different vehicles, so my dad made me one. Granted it was uglier than homemade soap, it was wood and he painted it black (my car was gray), but he took the time to make it for me. When he taught me to drive he was so patient with me. I ran through a stoplight at a busy intersection and the only thing he said was, "you really need to watch that next time." Around the same time he was teaching me how to change a tire, I jacked the car up, we took the tire off, Dad had his leg under the car, the jack fell, so did the car, right on top of his leg. Thank God it had rained recently so his leg sank into the ground instead of breaking. I freaked out and was saying I was sorry. He was obviously in pain but said through clenched teeth, "it's ok, I'm alright." He was there for all of us no matter what. He was in pain 24/7, but anytime any of us needed him he was there. I need him to be there now. I need him to be there so I can show him my baby. I need to see his face light up when we walk in the door. I need to be able to get irritated at him when he says "Pud, you gotta minute?" Only to ask me to bring him a Pepsi. I need him so I can ask him who sang certain songs. I need him, only he's not here anymore. The Lord needed him more than me. It hurts so much. It hurts to know I'll never see his face as long as I'm here on earth. It hurts to know that I won't be able to see him hold my sweet baby. I miss him and as much as I miss him I know I have to go on. Life doesn't stop and the Lord doesn't want us to stop. Every day we have to get out of bed and do the things that life requires from us. I'm sure everyone is tired of me writing about this, but I needed to get it off my chest.



On the bright side, my baby is doing wonderfully. He's now 3 weeks and 1 day old, that's so hard to believe. At his last appt (last Wednesday) he weighed 6 lbs 12 oz. I'm not sure how long he was, cause at the time she was measuring him, he decided he was going to go to the bathroom (all over the room) and I was cleaning it up lol. Ahh, the joys of little boys lol. He's changed looks a lot already, and he's just as cute as can be. His little hands are exact replica's of his daddy's and it is so cute! The lines and everything are exactly the same. They are definite hand twins. I love him so much and am so glad the Lord put him in my life.

Andrea started a Valentine's Day Lovefest so I think I'll join in and tell my story of how Eric and I met. Our story is a little more uninteresting than some, but nevertheless it's our story and I'm proud that we're together so it's special to me :)

I graduated in 2002, I was dating a guy who was a complete jerk and I was more or less headed down a path of destruction for myself. I moved out of my parents house into my own apartment. The guy I was dating lived 2 hrs away and pretty much would only come down if I paid his way. It was quite charming to say the least. I took him to meet my parents (boy I wish I hadn't done that now, they never should have had to endure that). My dad (who was the most protective of dads) nodded his head for me to leave the room, I did. He looked the guy in the eyes and told him simply if he hurt me he'd kill him. That was one of the last times I seen the guy lol. I was supposed to go see him one night and my car got smashed by a semi. After that it was over. So, I was broken hearted and was online one evening at my apartment. I came across this guy who looked like a guy I went to high school with. We talked for a while (of course he wasn't the guy from high school) and after talking several times we exchanged phone numbers. The first time we talked on the phone we talked for 7 hours. He was sweet and honest and cared about what I was saying. It was amazing, I didn't know that there were guys who still acted like that. From the time I was a little girl I wanted a guy who would treat me like my dad treated my mom. Someone who would light up when I walked in the room. I met that guy online. After talking on the phone for I don't know how long he drove to see me, he lived two hrs away (and he paid for it himself lol). I didn't have a car still (he ended up taking me to look for one and helped me pick it out), so he had to make all the trips himself for quite a while. He did and that was one of the ways I knew he was the right one for me. He treated me like a princess and when I took him to meet my family my dad gave me the nod for me to leave the room. I did and my dad told him "See that bat sitting over there? You hurt my daughter and I'll kill you with it." Eric looked dad in the eyes and said, "You don't have to worry about it sir." He never did either, and a few times after that dad was telling me to take care of his boy. lol Five years of marriage later, I'm happier than I've ever been with this man. Every day he lets me know how much I mean to him just by his simple actions. God has blessed us with a wonderful relationship and a beautiful son and I look forward to the years that we will share together.

Yesterday was a month since my dad passed. It was a very difficult day. It doesn't seem to be getting easier. They say it doesn't for a long time, that's not very comforting. My grandma told my mom it took her 7 months before she didn't cry almost every day after losing my grandpa. We'll get through, we have each other. I just really don't understand why he's gone. I don't think I ever will. God has His reasons, I don't have to understand I guess.

My baby is two weeks old today. That seems impossible too. We took him to church yesterday for the first time. The preacher had us come up front with him. He had us come up the week after dad passed away too so that mom could say a few words. He had told the congregation about dad and how important he was to the starting of the church so many years ago. So this week he reminded everybody of dad's promotion to be with the Lord (I think that's a comforting way of thinking about it) just before Ryan's birth and had us come up so they could see the new grandbaby. I love that church and the Lord is really moving in there. I really wish we could make it there every Sunday though. I'm just glad we live close enough to be able to go every couple weeks now. It brings me lots of comfort. My sister also got a picture of him sucking his thumb. He doesn't usually do that and it was the cutest thing (ok, maybe I'm a little partial) :) I love him so much. He's doing really good. He has his two week check up on Wednesday. I love him with all my heart he's such a huge blessing in our lives.

I got a little pick-me-up today. I went through my closet and tried on all my prepregnancy clothes. They all fit me! I was so excited about the jeans fitting. One pair was even a little loose. A couple of my shirts are to big too. I'm thrilled. So far I've lost all but 4 lbs! YAY! I was really worried about that. I'm so glad that I worked out throughout the whole pregnancy. I really needed this pick-me-up today!

My poor little guy had to spend Friday night in the hospital. We had an appt that day for his first checkup and he had jaundice so they had to keep him and put him under the lights overnight. He got out Saturday afternoon and we have another appt today to make sure that his levels are still down. I sure hope they are cause I'm tired of that hospital and I hated seeing him under those darn lights. We couldn't take him out all day and night and the little guy did so good. He had to wear little goggles for his eyes and I felt so bad for him. It broke my heart. My mom and sister came down on Friday, they had been planning on it anyways, but they went ahead and came and stayed with us until Sunday. My mom was wanting to help us out and let me get some sleep. She said she felt like she didn't get to do much since we were in the hospital for one of the nights she was here but it was wonderful just having her here and I think she was an amazing help. She's such an amazing lady and I love her so much.

Yesterday was pretty rough for me. After my mom and sister went home we went to the store and I stayed in the car with Ryan. I was sitting there thinking and it hit me pretty hard that Dad won't be able to hold his grandbaby. I didn't have time to think this past week and yesterday it really just hit me. It really just breaks my heart. This Thursday he will have been gone a month. It seems unreal and I really would rather live in denial about that. I don't know if that's healthy but it sure doesn't hurt as bad.

Monday was a very eventful day for us. Starting sometime either Friday or Saturday I started having contractions, but they weren't too bad. We rented movies on Saturday and Eric timed them but they were very irregular and eventually subsided. I was having pain around my lower back and front but it felt more like a bladder infection or something. On Sunday I didn't get any sleep I was in so much pain. On Monday I went through the day trying to find a spot that was comfortable for me. It felt like I had a really bad infection so I called my mom to see what I should do. She said to call and ask the people what I should do. It was around 6 p.m. when I called and they told me it sounded like one too and to either come in or wait until Tuesday and see if I could make an appt. I was in tears so I told Eric to take me up there so I could get an antibiotic. We went up there, they took me to an observation room and checked me to make sure everything was ok. The first nurse checked and said she thought I was at a 6. I was totally blown away, I had no clue. She said she wanted to make sure so she called in another nurse, that nurse said a little over a 6, so they called in the dr. The dr checked and said I was an 8 and 100%. It was so unexpected, I told Eric to call my mom. He called all the family, both sides. I felt really dumb cause I had no clue I was in real labor lol. So they took me to a room and got me set up. By the time we got to the hospital and got in a room it was around 7. By 8 I was to a 10. The dr said "well it must be nice to be in labor and not know it" lol. I would have been ready to push but they decided to go ahead and let my body get used to it so they told me to just work through it. I did and around 9 I started pushing. My family was on their way and even though Eric's mom had said she was going to wait until the next day she changed her mind and called and said she was on her way too. We all figured the baby would be born before anybody got there, but that was ok too. I pushed for about an hr and about 5 mins before he was born a nurse came in and asked if my mom could come in. I said yes so they let her in. I couldn't believe they made it and just in time! At 10:32 p.m. Monday 28, our little baby boy was born. His name is Ryan Tommy. We named him Ryan after my brother (Matthew Ryan) and Tommy after my Daddy. I think it suits him perfectly and mom said he looks like a Ryan Tommy. I think Dad would have loved to have his grandson named after him. He's so precious and I am so thankful that he came into our lives when he did. He was 2 hrs 28 mins away from being considered "full term", so 36 wks 6 days. He's perfect. He weighed 5 lbs 15 oz and was 18 1/2 inches. He's our little pride and joy and the whole family is so in love with him. Grandpa Tommy missed him by 18 days. He was born exactly 2 weeks after we burried him, but I know he's up there watching over our little guy and is the proudest Grandpa in the world.

Daddy, he was so wonderful the first night he stayed up so I could get a little sleep (very little, but still, such a sweet thought)
I couldn't be more proud
Grandma Peggy, she's so proud
Uncle Matt, he was asking me when I was going to bring him to see him right after he was born lol
Aunt Meagan, she's a wonderful Aunt

They're a little late, but obviously for a valid reason. Here are some pictures from the baby shower.

They made the original cake too small so they had to order another one, they are both so adorable though

Me and my SIL seeing who could drink out of the bottles the fastest, neither of us won

My mom trying to figure out how many pieces of TP would fit around my tummy

All of our gifts, people were so nice, we got a ton of stuff

My sister's decorations were so cute, and creative, she's wonderful

Eric (yes, he came), me, my sister, and SIL

My dad had a wonderful sense of humor, he was sarcastic but not in a mean way, just really funny. He wrote a poem a long time ago, both my brother and I were still living at home so it had to have been at least 8 yrs ago. For some reason when he wrote it I folded it up and have carried it in my wallet ever since. I thought it was halarious at the time, but now I'm so thankful that I decided to keep it. He wrote it about my brother, so I'd like to explain before I put the poem up so you can get it. My brother is a big fried chicken and potato salad fan. He always loves it when my mom makes that, it's his favorite meal. He can put it away for sure. We always had to grab ours first before mom called him or else we were very likely not to get any lol. My uncle read this along with stories that some of the family members had written about dad at his funeral. It just goes to show the kind of man dad was. So here's the poem:

Chicken

Chicken, Chicken, where did you go

Don't tell me, Don't tell me I already know

We all had a piece, except this one

He had 12, twelve this bum

Chicken, Chicken I cried last night

Just one more piece for my delight

But someone had 12, at least 12 I know

Cause all I can see, is the bottom of the bowl

Chicken, Chicken, what a horrible sight

God, he's in the kitchen we all cry

We had a piece and that's all we get

Cause Matt ain't through nope, he ain't through yet

Chicken, Chicken, Just one more piece for my delight

But Matt had 12 so I guess it's "goodnight"!

Cause the bottom of the bowl is all that I see

That, and one little punk who left none for me

P.S. I hope you get gas buddy

We're back home, we got home yesterday. We stayed an extra night with my mom and sister since yesterday was Martin Luther King Jr Day and Eric didn't have school. It was so hard leaving my mom. I posted about it last month, but they celebrated their 29th anniversary only 12 days before Dad passed. I really can't believe that he's gone. I don't think it has hit me totally yet. I kept waiting for him to show up and say "Pud, you gotta minute?" the whole time I was there. Yesterday was very rough for me. I have been trying to stay calm for the baby so I think I've kinda put myself in denial about everything. I also want to be strong for my mom, she has been with my dad since she was 14 years old. I miss him so much and I can't imagine life without him. Everyone adored him, and for good reason. The funeral had a wonderful turnout and the community came through in a major way for my family. We had so much food we didn't know what to do with and people were just so generous, it was very heart warming. It touched my heart to know that people thought so highly of Dad, even though he wasn't able to get around much the past few years. We went to church Sunday and the preacher talked about Dad and how much he contributed to the start of the church and then he had us stand and asked mom and us to come up so mom could say a few words. It was neat that Dad got the honor he deserved. I just wish he were here to see. In the past year and four months I have lost 2 grandpa's a great-grandma and my daddy. Three of those were in the past 7 months. The only one I didn't really know all that well was my great-grandma, she lived in Wyoming. I'm ready for the birth of our baby, a new life and many blessings for the year to come.

I had a dr appt today, she said the baby is down and now I have appts every week until he's here.

Would you all please keep my brother in your prayers? He had to have a physical for a job that he applied for and (I know this will be hard to believe, but I kid you not) his blood pressure was 200/115. He carries his stress in a big way without releasing it in any kind of fashion. The dr told him if he doesn't get it taken care of he won't make it to 40. I guess his kidneys aren't processing protein right. He got some medicine for it, and he's started exercising daily so hopefully he'll get it down very soon.

In loving memory of my wonderful Daddy, Tommy

My dad's funeral was yesterday. Since it had to happen, it went really well and it showed the person that my dad was. The preacher did a wonderful job at making it very personal. He knew dad for about 16 yrs and had lots of stories about him as well as the one's we told. My dad had a wonderful sense of humor, even in his all his pain, and with all the stories we were still able to have a laugh. So, Dad went out in the same style that he lived his life and that makes me very happy.

All of our family is still in town, they will be leaving tomorrow morning. I think that once they are gone it will really hit home that my dad is gone. I keep hoping and praying that this is a terrible nightmare and he will come walking through the door at any moment. The only comfort we have is knowing that this isn't the end, Dad is out of pain and with the Lord and he is waiting on us and watching over us. He promised he would be there for his grandbaby and I know he will in spirit. He told my mom not too long ago that nothing would keep him from his grandson, he doesn't break promises. I thank God that He put Dad in my life. Without Dad I wouldn't be me and my family wouldn't have turned out to be the wonderful family it is. He set a wonderful example of how to be a dad, husband and friend and we all learned a lot from him. Everyone has been so supportive and generous to our family and you can definitely see the impact that Dad had on everyone. I just wish he was here to see it himself, he wouldn't believe it. We are staying here until Sunday to be with my mom and sister. As I posted a few weeks ago, my parents were married 29 years. They were together since my mom was 14 years old (now 44) and my dad was 19 (now 50) so going on 31 years and the longest they had ever been apart in all those years was 5 days. Mom said that just a day or two before he passed she told him they still had to go out to eat for their 29th anniversary and Dad said "I'll be there Babe". So, she said she's going to go sometime and eat their dinner. My wonderful dad loved his family more than anything and there will forever be a hole where he was. Thank God this isn't the end.

My dad passed away this morning, please keep my family in your prayers.

The baby shower was Saturday and it went so good. My sister did an amazing job at putting it all together. I'll post pictures later.

My dad is very sick and needs all the prayers he can get. He has had a very difficult time the past 16 years and it's only by the grace of God that he's still with us. The short of it is that he got injured 16 years ago on an oil rig and ended up on disability. Throughout the years he has had many health problems but about 4 1/2 yrs ago he had liver failure and the dr sent him home and told my mom he wouldn't live more than 2 yrs. Well, obviously drs don't know everything and God has blessed him because he's still alive. Well last Thursday he fell, we went up to make sure everything was ok and ended up taking him to the ER that night. After some blood work and a LONG weekend, he had a dr appt yesterday. The dr said it's his liver again. He gave him some medicine and we are waiting on the blood work to come back (should be tomorrow). Eric and I had to come home today, I have a dr appt tomorrow. My mom is in her last semester at college (I'm so very proud of her) and was supposed to start her internship yesterday. Dad can't walk on his own right now and so she had to postpone it, she's now supposed to start next Monday. So, if you could all just keep my dad (and mom) in your prayers I would appreciate it so much. I know that God isn't through with him and that dad still has a lot left to do on this earth before he goes.

Don't have much time right now, but would like to ask all of you to be praying for my dad. I would greatly appreciate it!

My mom and sister were here yesterday and today. They painted the mural and I absolutely adore it! Baby Pooh is so adorable and I'm so thrilled. It turned out way better than the picture I showed them and I'm so thankful to them for doing this for us. The second one is my mom and sister by the mural.

Yesterday was my parent's 29th anniversary! I'm so proud of them. They have been through a lot in their many years together, and I am so thankful they have pulled together and let the Lord guide them through all their trials and tribulations. They have set a wonderful example for myself as well as my brother and sister. We couldn't have asked for better parents and I am so grateful that the Lord picked us to be their children. I love each one of them so dearly and it means so much to be able to say they have made it through so many years. I hope and pray that the Lord will help me to be the kind of wife/mom to my husband and children that my mom was/is is to me.

This picture is of last summer (2006), we spent a couple days at some cabins for a family reunion. They are joking around, really they're a couple of dorks lol.


This one is of them at my brother's wedding in Oct.

This was taken on my mom's bday in July of this year. My sister, brother, me, mom & dad.