Life With My Soldier

Blogger was messing up for a while, but I finally decided to try and republish the stupid thing and it worked, so that's good.

I've been doing ok this week as far as working out. I've been doing it like always, twice a day. I think I'm a bit addicted to Tae Bo. I love it. I went through all my clothes and had to get rid of most of them. It kind of sucked, but only because I had to get rid of so many things I had never even got a chance to wear because it was too small. Then they were too big, so they had to go. That's good, don't get me wrong, but I hate having to buy new clothes. I hate clothes shopping, lol. I told my mom today that I'm finally down to what I've had on my driver's license, lol. Well, as I'm sure you all can put two and two together, I was so much heavier then that number who in the world did I think I was foolin'? lol... Oh well, I was ashamed, and still am, about how much I let myself go. Now, though I'm quite proud of the way I feel. I have so much more energy now then I used to and I don't feel so self conscious. It's hard getting up the energy and strength to get started, but I am so thankful that the Lord gave me what I needed to get off my butt and do it. Of course I still have my hard days when I don't want to do anything, but I still do it, because I know more than anything that I don't want to go back to where I came from. It's a lifelong journey, but with the Lord's help I can do it.

I miss my husband. I miss the comfort that he gives me when I'm feeling down. I miss the way he always knows when something is wrong with me, even when I try to hide it. I miss the way he pesters me to tell him what's wrong when I don't want to. I miss the kisses and hugs and feeling so safe and secure in his arms. I miss everything about him and I just keep going through each day hoping that the next day go faster then this one did. They never do, but I guess that's to be expected. I'm looking forward to just being able to say, "I'll see you next month." I hope that day comes soon.

I'm going up to Kansas tomorrow morning to see my Grandpa. He's in the nursing home and they started him on Hospice today. I still don't know if the dr's have given any kind of estimation on how long he has, because that's a hard question to ask. My Aunt Dixie told my mom yesterday that Grandpa just keeps saying, "Lord have mercy." My dad said he heard him say that a few days ago, but didn't think anything of it. My mom asked what he thinks of it now and Dad said "I think he's ready to go." Dad had a very hard time when he lost his mom, and it's going to be so much worse on him with his dad. They have always been best buddies and Dad depends so much on Grandpa. I've been thinking about the times I have spent alone time with Grandpa and these two stories stick out greatest in my mind (sorry for the length): When I was 16, my brother moved to Nevada. Well, both of my aunt's lived there along with some of my cousins. When I was 17 my Grandpa wanted to drive out there and see them. Just him and I went. It was the first road trip I had been on, and I definitely wasn't an experienced highway driver (I'm from an extremly small town, and have parents that are really protective). So we were driving and we, for some reason I still don't understand, took the corner of Nebraska. Well, I'm driving through this little town, and I drive past a line of cops at the beginning of the town. I get past those cops and get on the highway (we were lost) and I come up on this cop and almost rear end him because he doesn't have his lights on. So, I swerve over real fast and go around him, and then get pulled over for not using my turn signal. Well, the cop doesn't give me a ticket and tries to explain how to get the heck out of that town. I was so nervous I switched and let Grandpa drive. I insisted that he not tell anybody about me getting pulled over, and he said alright. So, we try and follow the cops directions and end up at the beginning of the town again, where all the cops are. Grandpa drives really slow, always has, and one of the cops pulled him over. They said he was swerving and thought he might be a drunk driver, which is what they were all doing out there. So, he calls in the plates and the cop that had just pulled me over comes over the radio and says he just pulled us over and whatnot. Grandpa didn't get a ticket either, but we did get escorted out of town, lol. When we got to Nevada I told everyone. Grandpa said, "I thought we wasn't going to tell anybody." I said, "No, that was when I was the only one who had got pulled over, it's ok now that you did too." Grandpa said, "No, you're just a typical woman, you just wanted to be the one to tell them, so you told me not to." lol... He always cracks me up. Then another time I was driving him back up to Kansas and I passed a car and I noticed him gripping the arm rest, I said, "Grandpa, am I scaring you?" He said, "Oh, no. You're only going 80 uphill on the wrong side of the road." LOL..... Ok, I'm done with my useless stories of the night. Sorry I rambled.

Thank you to everyone for all your prayers. It's been such a blessing, and I'm so thankful to each and everyone of you girls.