Friday, June 30, 2006

It's amazing how God gives you what you need when you need it. Of course it's not on our timing so sometimes I wonder if it's going to arrive, but He never fails and when you need it most there it is.
I didn't make any friends up in KS while I was there. I guess I come off as stuck up, but it's just that I'm really really shy. It takes a while to get to know me, and until you do I don't talk much at all. Then once you get to know me, I don't shut up. Anyways, I guess it's because of this that I didn't make any friends while I was up there. It was quite lonely at times too. Especially when Eric was off doing his Army thing and I was at the house all alone. I figured that I could use some company while Eric's away, so I joined a couple Army Wive's groups on the internet, along with reading several military wive's (and mother's) blogs. I'm so glad that I have come across the one's I have because I've met so many women who I share common bonds with. They have all helped me out in ways that I can never explain.
Now, as I've said for the past three months, I'm looking for a place to live back where I came from. Well, one of the girls that I met in one of my groups I'm in has been helping me. They just got stationed there, and she's been giving me tips as to what she's seen for rent and such. I'm so thankful for that! I've told her a million times "thank you" but I don't think I can ever express how grateful I am. Such a blessing, for sure.

God is great!


Tuesday, June 27, 2006

My sister, brother and I went to the lake this morning. It wasn't exactly the best idea we've ever had. It was only about 80 degrees when we got there, and the wind was blowing. It was way to cold to swim in. So, we all just went out no more than knee deep and threw a football around. Well, I'm not the most coordinated person in the world. Ok...I'm not coordinated at all. I have a very hard time with my hand/eye coordination. So, we decided that when we could throw the ball back and forth and all of us catch it a total of 10 times we would leave, lol. We were there for a while. I kept messing it up. We got to 9 once, but I dropped the ball. The rest of the time we didn't get past 5. But, I did it, finally!!! Anyways, so it was a bust but we still had a little fun. I think we might go miniature golfing later, but I'm not sure.

I have a hard time wanting to go out and do things like that without Eric. I know I have to live my life even though he's gone, but doing things like that doesn't seem right without him by my side. He even told me this morning when we talked to go and have fun, but in a way I guess I feel guilty because he can't go with me. I want him to be here to be able to do the things that we always do together. I miss that like crazy. I have been staying up really late, because I loath going to bed alone. I despise having to climb into our bed all by myself. I know it's just a matter of time before he's home with me again, but that's not too comforting when it's bed time (or anytime actually).

My grandpa is coming down on Friday to spend the weekend down here while his wife (Evelyn) goes to visit her family. Evelyn sent my parents a list of the medications that he's on right now. He's on 7 different prescription medications. My mom looked them all up and found that almost every single one of them can cause the symptoms that he's having, that they consider to be part of his Alzheimer's. In fact, they have him on two different medications for Alzheimer's. One is for mild to moderate and the other is moderate to severe. Why would they put him on both kinds? It doesn't make sense. My dad is going to take the list to his doctor tomorrow to see what he has to say about it. I'm praying that he will be able to tell us if those medications are not mixing right or something. If nothing else, maybe he will be able to do a complete physical and tell us for sure if he does have it, that way it will put everyone's worries to rest.

I'm going up this weekend to find a place to live. I've decided that I just need to go up there and spend a day looking. There's nothing I can really do from here, so I have to go. I know I can do it, but it's always been Eric's thing to do this kind of stuff for us. Oh well, at least me finding a place will mean that it's getting closer to him being home. If nothing else, I can focus on that point. I've also decided that if all else fails and I can't find a place that has a washer/dryer and allows pets, I'm just going to go back to where we were living before. At least I know that it's a good neighborhood and I liked living there, but hopefully it won't come to that. I want to have my cat back with me, I've missed having him around.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

I went with my mom and sister today to our old church reunion. When we went to church there everyone was really old and so I figured that everyone would look ancient now. I was right. It went alright though. Except everyone was like "Oh my you've grown up so much since the last time I seen you!" I was about 8 when we quit going there, of course I've grown up, lol. People crack me up. Then one of the ladies who is closer to my age came up and my mom said "Oh, it looks like you lost weight." She says "Yeah, all together I weigh about 110 pounds now." That cracked me up, I was wondering what parts she weighs seperately? lol...

Anyways, I had the hardest time getting to sleep last night. I couldn't quit thinking about Eric and how good it feels to have him next to me in bed. I miss him so much, and the past week has been really hard. Yesterday was the one month mark since he went back after R&R. I keep praying that time will speed up, but it doesn't. I know we'll make it through this and I'm so grateful for that, it's just hard at the moment.

Eric called this morning and told me he had a dream last night. He said that he dreamed we had twins (he has a twin sister) and he went to pick them up from daycare. It was so sweet. He's going to make such a wonderful daddy when we have our babies.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

My grandpa isn't doing too good. My grandma passed away seven years ago, that's when he started getting bad. Then he remarried 2 (almost 3) years ago and he got better for a while. He was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, and he's slowly getting worse. He's never had a CAT scan or anything to officially diagnose him. The extent of the tests that his doctor gave him where asking him a series of questions like, what day of the week it is and what season is it. So, he's getting worse and his wife is getting to where she can't take care of him anymore. She wants to put him in a nursing home, but my parents are going to offer to bring him down here to live. They want him to go to my dad's doctor to get checked out. They want to make sure that he actually has Alzheimer's and that he's not just on the wrong medications. He's diabetic so he's on insulin and various other medications that could cause some of the symptoms he's in. Either way, it can't hurt to check. I feel so bad for my grandpa. He's still in his right mind most of the time, so he knows what's going on. He knows that he's not right and it's so sad to watch him. He's always been the most healthy person in the family. When I was about 10, I remember Grandpa in his red wing boots racing my cousin who was about 15 and Grandpa won. He's always had a very sarcastic (quick witted) sense of humor, and now that he's getting worse it's so sad. We never know if he's just joking like he always has, or if he's having an episode. It's hard to know what to do when he talks about things and you're not sure if he's in his right mind. So, we do the only thing we know to do, and play along. No matter what he says. There's really no sense in trying to convince him any different anyways, it won't do any good. If it is Alzheimer's, it's only going to get worse, but I don't think putting him in a nursing home is going to do anything but make it worse. I really think that if his wife does that, he won't last very long.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

I feel very blessed that Eric and I have been able to keep a good line of communication since he's been gone. Because of that we have grown with each other and we've learned a lot throughout the months he's been gone. I have certainly learned a lot since he's been gone. I've learned that I'm stronger then I ever gave myself credit for. I've learned that when I need something done I can do it. I've learned that I can do anything I put my mind to, but most importantly, I've learned that I have to loosen my grip on my marriage and my life and let God do His work. Before Eric left I must admit that I let myself go, in a big way. I neglected the fact that I was supposed to keep myself up for my husband. He always told me how beautiful I was, and I know that he honestly thinks I was, but I was not at my best, and for that I'm ashamed. So, I've done a lot of work on myself since he's been gone. I'm working hard at getting myself into the shape I need to be in, so I can be a better wife for my husband. I want to be in good shape for him, for our future children and for myself. I've made a lot of progress, and I have to give all the credit to the Lord. I've tried many times and failed because I didn't ask God for His help in my situation. When Eric left I finally did ask the Lord for help, and He has came through in a big way. So, although I'm extremely embarrassed by the first picture, I would like to show the progress that the Lord has made in me. The first picture was about a year ago, before Eric left when we were living in Kansas. The second is from last month, when Eric was home on R&R.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Thank you for the prayers for my friend's dad. The last I heard he was able to do pretty much everything for himself, so they didn't think he had a stroke, but still didn't know what had happened. I appreciate all the prayers. I'm not working at the daycare anymore. I didn't work there long, but after talking to Eric, we decided it would be better if I focus on getting a place to live. I swear it feels like the month of June is never going to end. I keep looking at the calendar and I don't think it's ever going to end. On a brighter note, I've lost 43 lbs since Eric left in November. So, I'm very proud of myself! I've worked hard to get to this point, and I hope to get over the hump I'm at right now so I can move forward.

I was wondering if anyone can hear the song that is supposed to play on my page? Eric said that it's not loading for him, but I don't know if that's just because he's on a protected computer or what. Thanks for the help.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

I was able to talk to Eric again and he talked to dad. It was so sweet to see the smile that dad had when he handed the phone back to me. Eric was really happy after talking to him too. He said that he told dad how important it was that he had taken him into the family as a son. Dad told him that it was easy to do and that it was his pleasure. After I got done talking to Eric I came out to the living room and dad said "He's a good man, Michelle." That makes my heart happy.

Today when Eric called me, he said that at the USO trailer that he was at they gave him a phone card and told him to call his dad. I could hear the sadness in his voice because he doesn't have a relationship with his dad. I felt bad for him but I told him not to worry because he did have a dad, my dad.

I've always had a good relationship with my dad. I am a big daddy's girl. When I was little we would go to the store and tickle our noses in the foam that a pepsi creates when you get a fountain coke. When it would rain we would run outside and go through the waterfalls that would come pouring the houses in our neighborhood. He's been there for me in good times and bad and I've always been thankful that he's in my life. Times have gotten hard for my dad, but he's always managed to put his family first. When I met my husband, dad immediately began treating him like a second son. The first time they met dad gave him the "If you hurt my daughter" speech, but from the reaction he got from Eric he knew he didn't have to worry about that. From that time on they have been best buddies. Eric calls him dad, and dad always refers to Eric as his son. So now when it comes to our everyday lives, my dad is not my dad, he's our dad, and for that I'm extremely grateful. Thank you Daddy!!!

Friday, June 16, 2006

It's been a rather long and boring week for me. I'm tired of being here in this house with all my family. My brother has moved back in too, he's 25. It's kind of the family joke about us living here. When my brother told his friend that I was moving back here when Eric left, he said, "That sucks for your parents, do they like that idea?" Matt (my brother) says "They're used to it, one of us is always living there." Which is totally true. We're like grown boomerangs. We try our best to leave, but it seems that at least once a year one of us has to move back in. Of course it's not that we're just sponging off of our parents, we both contribute to the household. Matt moved back because he's working on an oilrig for the summer, while he's not going to school. I, of course, am here because of Eric's deployment. My parents don't mind us being here, but I think having 4 adults and a teenager under the same roof is just asking for trouble. It's definitely not a recipe to help lower your blood pressure. I miss Eric so much. I miss having our own place with our own things with our own way of living. It's very unnatural to be here.

On the brighter side Eric did leave me a comment on my last entry. It's his first one, and I love it! He's so sweet.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

I absolutely love Flag Day! It's so wonderful to drive down the roads and see them lined with the American flag. It fills my heart with pride, especially now that I'm more aware of the things that are going on. Until I met Eric and we decided to go active duty I didn't pay much attention to the news and the things that were going on in the world around us. Granted I was still in high school. I was only 19 when Eric and I got married. So, of course politics and the world's affairs were not top on my list of things to think about. However, now that it's in my life on a daily basis, and I'm going through the deployment process, I am extremely aware of the fact that days like this and Memorial Day are a big part of who we are as Americans. It seems to slip the minds of most, but those of us who live with it know. The flag represents so much in my eyes, and each time I see one waving it brings a pride that I never knew existed.


Tuesday, June 13, 2006

How is it that kids have a way of making you laugh at but at the same time want to pull your hair out?

Today at daycare we had several kids who had woke up on the wrong side of the bed. The friend that I'm working for had her nephews there today, ages 1 and 2. Well, they came after everyone was taking their naps, and they didn't want to lay down. So, they were running around trying to wake everyone else up, and when they quieted down we were elated. Well, I should have known that when kids are asleep they're up to something. While I was in the baby room, changing a diaper, the 1 year old decided to take off his diaper, that he had pooped in, and sit on the face of one of the sleeping girls! When my friend happened upon this, he had it on her, on the floor, on himself, on the cots, everywhere! (Thank God it was her and not me!) So, after she stuck the two kids in the bathtub, her sister came to pick the boys up. My friend told her sister that they were not allowed back at the daycare. I went to get the girl out of the tub, and get her dressed and she says, "I have poop on me?"

I redid my page a little, let me know if it's too hard on the eyes. I've been starring at it for too long and can't tell lol! Thanks.

Monday, June 12, 2006

I'm having a very hard time today. I finally found a guy who has a duplex and he's being really helpful. The problem that I have is that I can't tell if he's just really friendly or if he's a bit of a whack job. I might be being paranoid, but I don't know. I told him that I would come up to look at the place, but I hate to drive all that way to look at one property and find out that he's a fruitloop. My family isn't being very helpful either. I asked my mom to call to see what kind of impression she got from him, and she acted like it was a big imposition. Then my sister suggested that my brother come with us (she's going with me) and he's like, I'm not driving 14 hrs for that! Thanks! I miss Eric so much. Ok, I've learned my lesson, I guess maybe I shouldn't have moved at all.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

I need you all to say a prayer for my friend's dad. He was flown to the hospital last night, they think he had a stroke. He's only about 45 years old, and he stays pretty active. I was very surprised to hear that. So please keep him and his family in your prayers, thank you.

Friday, June 09, 2006

It's finally Friday, YAY! It seems like the past three weeks, since Eric left, have been the longest in history. I've grown quite fond of the little kids that we have down there at the daycare though. One of them insists on calling me "mommy", no matter how many times I've told her I'm Chelle. She did finally call me Chelle yesterday a couple of times. Big improvement! They are so sweet though. Today they all drew pictures and gave them to me to send to Eric. I thought that was so nice and I know he's going to get a big kick out of it. They even made a special message on the back of their pictures for him. Children are so special, I love them.

I have to give thanks to God for my husband. He definitely knew what He was doing when He put us together. We have a love that is so wonderful and I cherish every single second that we have together, even when we are so far apart. I love being his wife, and it brings me so much joy to be here waiting for him. I am proud of him, and I support everything that he ever wants to do in his life. Thankfully since he's been gone we've been able to keep in good contact, and I thank Eric for the effort that he puts forth to keep our communication good, because we all know that if the one's over there don't call, we don't have contact. Thank God for the technology that we have today. Although I do have to say that my computer is in the shop again, and I'm really mad about that. Plus, Eric's laptop was in the shop and is not fixable, or at least it's not worth the money to fix it. So, we have to buy a new one. Computer's are definitely not on my favorite things list right now.

Last night I got an email from him before he got off of work and although it was short, it was very sweet:

Hey Baby Doll,
I just wanted to let you know that I am so in love with you Baby Doll. I am going to be praying for you my love. I LOVE YOU!! Please be careful my love. I LOVE YOU!!


Things like that always make me smile and make my day. It's just the fact that he's thinking of me, and wants to let me know that I'm on his mind. I'm very thankful for him and everything that he does for me and for us. He's a wonderful man and I am so blessed to be by his side for the rest of our lives.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

I have tomorrow off, and I'm so glad. I told my mom that I'm glad I told my friend I wanted Wednesday's off, because I definitely need a midweek break. Taking care of 12 kids a day wears me out. I asked Eric if he wants to have 6 kids today, his response was "Do YOU want to have 6 kids?" lol, no! I definitely want 2, but my limit is 3. I don't think I could handle any more than that. God bless the women who can! My aunt has 5, and I respect her so much for getting them all grown, especially since one of them had spina bifada (I don't know if I spelled that right).

Eric's been getting more interested in finding out the history on our last name. He found a soldier that has our last name (it's not very common) who's family came over from Germany (where his ancestors came from) in the 1800's and settled in New York (where a lot of his family lives). I have no idea if he's related, I don't know how you'd ever know, but it's a pretty neat idea to think that he could be related. I love my husband so much.

Well, Courtney ( tagged me, so here goes:

Seven things to do before I die: Have babies, own a house, ride in a train, write a book, visit Ireland, renew my wedding vows, help my family as much as possible.

Seven things I cannot do: Stand the sound of someone throwing up, make hard decisions alone, eat in the dark, talk on the phone and have the TV on, concentrate when there are loud noises around me, eat chili or pancakes without milk, write left handed.

Seven things that attract me to my husband: That's a hard question, there are so many things I love about him, but, his smile, his eyes, his love for me, his sweet nature, his ability to always make me feel better, his sense of humor, and his wonderful work ethic.

Seven things I say most often: I love you, Baby, He's doing fine, It's so good to hear from you, I don't want to go to work, how is your day, and have a wonderful night sleepy.

Seven books (or a series of books) I love: "The Wedding", "The Notebook," "Night," "A Year of Absence," "Chicken Soup for the Military Wives Soul," my Bible, and any Lurlene McDaniel book.

Movies I'd watch over and over again: "The Notebook," "Jerry McGuire," "American History X," "Cinderella," "Crash," "The Italian Job," and "Shrek 1 & 2"

Seven people I'd like to tag: I would like to tag Michelle (Learning How to Deal) Everyone else that I know has already been tagged.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

I'm still trying to find a place to live up in Kansas. I never would have guessed that it would be so hard to find a place that has what we want. I guess it makes it harder since I'm not up there to actually drive around and look. I did find one that had what we wanted, and was in our price range, but the guy said it would probably be rented by the time I made it up there to look at it. I also found one in another town, but Eric didn't like the idea of the long drive. I'm ready to find a place and be able to move our stuff back into it. I might not stay up there until closer to time for Eric to get home, but I want a place that we can call home. It stinks that we have all of our things in storage, and they've been there for the past 7 months.

It was 7 months ago on the 2nd that Eric left. We still have 5 months left. Man, could time pass any more slowly? I swear, I thought that getting a summer job would help pass time away, but it seems to have made it slow down even more (if that's possible). I don't necessarily like working for the friend that I'm working for. She asked me for my help, so I agreed. I didn't go down there looking for a job. Yet, it seems to me that she's already taking advantage of my kindness. Oh well, I'll have to see if I am willing to stick it out. Many more days like the other one I had, and I surely will be finding something else to do to occupy my time.

I took my computer to the repair man the day before Eric left to go back overseas. He kept it that night and I went and got it the next day. It cost me $70. Well the day after I got it back it messed up again, so I called him. He told me that it was probably something different, but to bring it over and he'd check. So, I figured he was going to charge me again. Instead of taking it back I took it down the street to the repair guy that lives a couple houses away from us. He fixed it and when he called to tell me it was done, he said that whoever tried to fix it the last time messed it up. I was so mad. Too bad I'm a little to passive sometimes, because the original repair man ended up with $70 of my money, for messing up my computer. Oh well, now Eric is sending me his laptop so I can take it to the guy down the street to fix it too. Stupid computers, they're very nice to have, but yet, when they mess up, boy are they are a pain in the butt!

Thursday, June 01, 2006

It's just been one of those days. It was crappy at work and I miss Eric so much. Working with 13 kids and two adults is nerve racking to say the least. Especially when the other adult decides to pawn all the one's she doesn't like onto you. So you end up with 8 of them and she gets 5. Plus it just so happens that every single one of the one's that you have are in diapers, and guess what? You're the only one who gets to change them. Oh the joys of working with a friend.

I've been looking for a place that is 2 bedroom, has a washer/dryer and allows pets up in Kansas. It seems that those are impossible standards up there. I can't find one that is a reasonable price. The one's that I did find are in the $900 range. We can't afford to pay that, for pete's sake, it's Kansas!

I was glad to flip the page over to June this morning. That was the big highlight of my day. Too bad we can't fast forward through the next few months and get them over with already.