Friday, March 31, 2006

R&R's Finally Within Reach!

Ok, so it's officially April!!! I'm so jazzed. Now, I just have to wait until the end of this month to see the love of my life. It's finally within reach. I finally feel like I can see the end of this half of the deployment. It makes me so happy that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, I still have to make it through this month, and a little of next month, but it's getting here. I get to see my wonderful husband NEXT MONTH!!!! That's so wonderful, I've waited to say that all month. Yay!

Yay, it's the last day of March!!!!!
I'm very excited.

My kitty when he was a baby

Thursday, March 30, 2006

I am having a hard time trying to keep my sanity here in this house. The room that I'm staying in right now is next to the living room, so every time they want me to come out, my dad bangs on the wall. That is so annoying! Give me a break people. If it's not him it's my sister and mom barging in going to the washer/dryer. Can I have 10 minutes of peace, please?! Well Eric was mistaken. The briefing that he thought they did on Friday's actually is done on Thursday's, so he has to wait until next week to go. That's alright though, it doesn't effect the days he'll be home for leave. I swear I feel like my mind is about to catch the next plane out of here to looneyville. Oh well...enough of that.

I am proud of myself. I worked out three times today. I walked 2 miles and did Tae Bo, then walked another mile. Since Eric left I've lost 30 lbs. Yay me! I've worked my butt off (literally) to get this far though. I decided when he left to do something constructive with my time, so I have. I think I'm doing a pretty good job, if I do say so myself.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

One of Eric's old friends got a hold of me through myspace. I still have no clue as to how he found me. Anyways, he sent me a message asking about Eric. He didn't know that Eric was overseas. So, I let him know that he's gone. It was weird getting a message out of the blue from him. I've only met him once.

Eric and I decided to celebrate our anniversary while he's here, since he'll be gone when it comes around in October. So, I ordered his gift today. I ordered him an Army pocket watch, engraved with his name on it. I thought it would be something that he would like, I hope it is. I feel bad. I was doing my afternoon walk and when I came back to my room I seen that Eric had tried to get a hold of me on the computer. I felt so bad when I seen that he was gone. He hasn't gotten back on either, so he must be busy now. That's the first time I've missed him when he's tried to get in contact with me, since he's been gone. I know it will be ok, but it still doesn't feel very good.

I hate trying to talk to people about Eric being gone. It irks me, big time. I try to say something, and the next thing I know they're saying, "Well, it's kind of like..." No it's not!!! It's not like anything they've ever experienced before, so stop comparing it! Since the beginning I've tried not to talk to anyone about it, minus the people on here who actually DO understand. It's aggravating and very annoying, so why try?

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

I am officially in a position where I can now do just one unit of homework a week and be finished in time for Eric to come home. I have 4 weeks ahead in each of the classes. I'm pretty proud. Eric has been thinking about the change of MOS, he's thinking either Armor or Military Intelligence. I on the other hand, don't really enjoy the thought of either of them. Especially Armor, that one scares me. It's a decision that we'll make together, so I know that he won't do anything that makes me too uncomfortable. Everything will work itself out.

I was talking to my mom and sister the other day, and my sister asked how long Eric has been gone. I told her that he had been gone for 4 1/2 months. So she says, "See, that went by fast!" I couldn't believe my ears. I told her, "Yeah, for you. You're not the one waiting on him!" Sometimes it amazes me that people can say things like that to those who are waiting. It's not like they are the one's who's lives have been turned upside down. They aren't the one's who are waiting for the love of their lives to come back, so that they can start living life normally again. I've been contemplating moving back up to Kansas for the last half of the deployment. I'm not sure what I want to do. My family is driving me crazy, and I'm not sure that I can stick it out for 6 more months. I love them to death, but I guess I'm just used to not living with them. It's kind of funny, because when I lived up there I couldn't wait to come back here. Now that I'm here I can't wait to go back up there. I told Eric that I've learned my lesson. I will never complain again about where we are stationed. I don't care how much I hate it.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Well, I finally finished it. I'm done reading "Chicken Soup for the Military Wife's Soul." It took a week longer than I planned, but it's done. From that book and "A Year of absence," I would have to say that it's a tough call. Both of them are good, and they both made me cry like a little baby. I am glad that I'm done with them though.

At the end of the week Eric is going to do his DCS briefing, to be able to go on R&R in May. I find that exciting. That means that we are getting close. Ok, so it's still over a month away, but it's getting here, and that's all that counts. The briefing is just a sign of what is to come, so the thought of it is thrilling. Eric told me that he wants to change his MOS. He wants to feel more useful. I tried to explain to him that everyone does their part to make the Army run. He said he understands that, but he'd still like a change. I guess I can understand that. We made a deal to think about it, and to both come up with jobs that would be acceptable to the both of us. After all, we can't just think of ourselves. I mean, sooner or later we will be having children, and they will be affected by all of this too. So far, I've come up with two jobs that I think would be alright, but he didn't seem to enthused when I told him about them. That's alright though, that's the whole concept of compromise. We'll figure it out, just like we have everything else that has been thrown our way.

Friday, March 24, 2006

I'm pretty proud of myself. I've finished 3 weeks of work so far, for one class, and two weeks in the other. I've been busy the past few days. I made a 100 on my first test in counseling! Last night I got a little further in my "Chicken Soup for the Military wife's Soul" book. It's nice to read that before going to bed. Gives me something to do to relax. Eric had to go to the dentist today. The dentist put him on quarters, but he went to work for a while anyways. When he left work he got on the computer and we talked for about an hour before he went to bed. It was nice to talk to him, and it was very unexpected. I love that. We are getting closer every day to being together. I can't wait until May!!!! A week from tomorrow and we can finally say, I'll see you next month. YAY! That's so odd to get excited about seeing your husband in a month. After 5 months though, I can hardly contain myself.

I have 3 more weeks that I can send care packages to Eric, before I have to stop. At least until he goes back. That way they don't get there after he's left. That's going to be weird. Not searching for things to make it different from what I sent him last. It's very interesting trying to come up with new ideas each week. I can always fill a box though. I just see things that remind me of him, and things I think he'll like and get them. I bought him some things for Easter today. It's corny, but I don't care, and neither does he. For Valentine's Day I got him a little stuffed gorilla that whistles when you squeeze him. He thought that was funny. for Easter I made him a puzzle and put the pieces in plastic eggs. I think when I have to stop sending him packages I will move on to buying him new clothes for when he comes home. That way I still have something to do for him. It makes me feel useful to him still.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

It's been a pretty good day today. I got to talk to Eric on the phone this morning, and since it was his day off, we chatted during the afternoon. We talked about what we want to do when he comes home for R&R. I don't really think we're going to do anything too exciting, except just spend time together. That's all I really want anyways. I have already reserved a room for the first two nights at a nice hotel. We are getting a suite. I've been trying to concentrate on my homework, but my mind keeps drifting to the time when we'll be together. It's getting very close. I know, I still have over a month, but I can't help but get excited. One month and some days seems like nothing when I compare it to the past almost 5 months. I can do this! Which makes it that much more exciting. I know that it is going to seem like forever (it already is) but we are almost there. My mom tried to tell me awhile back that she knew that it was going to be tough letting him go again. I don't even want to think about that yet! That is not my goal right now. Focus on the rewards for the long suffering, not the pain at the end of it. I will get through this first half, enjoy the time we will get to spend together, and then when I have to, I will deal with the second half. Until then, I'm happy to sit and stare blankly at my book, smiling about the time that is to come.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

I learned last night that a little four year old boy's fear of horses represents his fear of his father. Seeing a horse fall down and die and being afraid is his feeling of wanting his father dead so he can marry his mom and have children with her. Freud was a pervert.

Eric called this morning, he's having problems with the internet. I had to send him a new wireless card last week, for his laptop. He's trying to work on this algebra, so that's not a good thing. The package I sent him should be there in the next couple of days though, so that's good. I asked him today if he wanted to go up to Kansas while he was here and help me pick out a place to live. He said no, that he trusts my ability to make the decision. He said that it would be a waste of money to get a place that neither of us would be at until he comes home. I guess that's true. It's good to know that he trusts my decisions, too bad I hate making some of them.

Monday, March 20, 2006

We're getting closer, to Eric being home (even though it's temporary)!!! We started our new classes today. That's a wonderful thing. I'm finished with college algebra, thank God! I was tired of hurting my brain with that stuff. Eric is taking it this time. I'm learning that we're all a little psycho today. Apparently what we consider as normal is not normal. What is normal? Aren't we all a little abnormal? Who thinks of this crap? lol... I should probably get used to is, considering I'm planning on a degree in social work. It's not that I buy into all this crap, because I don't. It's just that I love helping people. I would love to be able to see that I'm making a difference in someone's life. All this junk is just what I have to put up with to get to that point in my life.

Eric called me at 12:30 last night. He had to go to the dentist, and wanted to tell me what he was told. Then he had to go back again today, to get his teeth cleaned. He's sweet, wanting to share with me his day to day life. I love that we share that kind of bond, and that it hasn't changed since he's been gone. I can't wait until he comes home for R&R.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

I finished one of my books, "A Year of Absence", so I accomplished 1/2 of my goal. That's fine by me. I start my new set of classes tomorrow. I'm excited about that. That means I'm getting closer to being with Eric again. We have 9 weeks of these classes, but we have to finish them early, so that we don't have to deal with them while he's here. So, I will be working my butt off to get them finished in time. I want absolutely nothing to stand in the way of our time together. I will work 24/7 on those classes to complete the work. The problem with online classes, at least at the college I'm going to, is that the teacher has to open the unit for the week, and some of them don't like to open them early. Oh well, that's just a minor thing that I have to deal with.

It rained all day again today. I guess God saved all the rain for Western Oklahoma until this weekend. My brother called today. He works on an oilrig sometimes during the weekends for extra money, for my uncle. Anyways, he called today and said he liked how it doesn't rain for 6 months and then rains for 3 days straight while he's out working in it, lol... Yep, sounds like Oklahoma.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Last night was a horrible night, probably the worst since the night that Eric actually left. I couldn't get to sleep, and I just laid in bed crying. I usually don't let myself wallow around in this whole situation, but last night I felt I couldn't help it. I think a big part of it is that I feel completely out of place here at this house. My parent's house. It's not our house. It doesn't belong to Eric and me, and the things in are not our things. The only things that I have of ours are in my bedroom. A little room that is also connected to the laundry room. There is no real privacy. When I moved in here my family told me to "take it and make it your own little get-a-way". The forgot to tell me that in my own little get-a-way I would constantly be intruded on by someone or another wanting to do a load of laundry, or needing to see if the clothes are dry, or if we have enough laundry soap. My mom is always walking in with a basket on her hip saying, "I'm lauderin" (we're from Oklahoma, lol). I know that they don't mean anything by it, but sometimes I want to shout, "just leave me be for 10 mins in peace, please!" This private little room that was supposed to be my own hide out for the times when I'm not feeling sociable has turned into Grand Central Station. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and I'm glad that they let me move back in. I don't know if I would do well on my own right now, but it's as if they don't have eyes and ears to see when I would rather not be bothered. I sometimes wonder where people's common sense is. I guess I just have to deal with it. Hopefully I'll get a better night's sleep tonight and so that I can get out of this funk. It seems as if I've fell into it ever since I said I try to stay in the positive thinking mode, figures.

Friday, March 17, 2006

After I posted yesterday, my friend called. She called to see if I wanted to go out and talk. I figured it was either that or lose my mind, so I went. She was my best friend in high school, but since then we have drifted apart. I hadn't seen her for over a year this time, and we've only talked a few times on the phone. Since I moved out of state and married into the military, we really don't have much in common. She's married to a guy that works in the oilfield, so she doesn't really have to deal with him being gone too much, just a few days every now and then. Anyways, I went out with her, and we went out to a restaurant and just sat there and talked for a couple hours. I had a pretty good time. She told me that her husband had just gotten home after being gone for two weeks. I don't know what she expected me to say, but she didn't get much out of me for that. I tried to stay off the topic of the deployment that we're going through, I figured I don't want to lay my burdens all over someone I haven't really talked to for a while. We talked about our high school reunion. I can't believe it, it's been 5 yrs this yr. That's crazy, I can't believe it. I have no desire to even go to the stupid thing. I really don't miss the people from high school. I'm more interested in getting ready for my husband to come home.

So, I started a "Welcome Home" banner for Eric today. I know, I still have over a month to go, but I'm not one to wait. I like to get things done before they need to be done. I'm definitely not a procrastinator. So, I started it, but don't know if I like where it's going. Of course, it's for his R&R, so I will have to do an even bigger one when he comes home for good. I got a call today from my "point of contact" for the FRG, but didn't answer. It's the 2nd call they've made to me the 4 months he's been gone. She left a message telling me she just wanted to make sure I didn't need anything, and let me know they're here for me, lol... Oh well, anyways, It's finally raining here. We haven't had any kind of moisture for about 3 months, I think. We had the mildest winter ever. It snowed twice, both times disappearing the next day. It was in the 60s and 70s most of the time. So, it's one of those stay in bed type days. Suits me, gives me a reason to read my books.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

I'm finished with school for three days! I finished my geography early and I start my new classes on Monday. I'm just glad that I get a few days off. I am working on reading "Chicken Soup for the Military Wives Soul" and "A Year of Absence." Maybe I can finish them if I work hard enough by Sunday.

I'm getting tired of living with my family. I was trying to read my geography book earlier and my dad had his music on so loud I couldn't concentrate. He played the same song over and over and over again. They are talking about moving to one of the smallest towns ever, in Kansas. Both my mom and dad's parent's live there, and they are getting older and would like to be up there to help them. I wouldn't want to live there, so I think I might be moving back up to the ft. where Eric was stationed before he left. I have to move up there before he comes back anyways, it just might be sooner than I expected now. Oh well, I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

I have a dentist appt. the 28th. I believe that I am going to have to get a bone graph done. Ouch.

Today has not been the best day. I think I just need some time away from everyone. I need some time to just be alone and cry. I can't be sad when everyone is around me. They don't understand, and I can't explain it to them. I miss him so much. I guess this is the time where I need to get into my "Everyday that goes by brings us closer" frame of mind. I'll get there, eventually.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Eric went to get his driver's license this morning. I guess you can't drive regular vehicles over there with a driver's license from over here. So, he had to sit through a 45 min class and take a written test. A big waste of time, in my opinion, but that's ok, he passed. I miss him like crazy today. We did have a long conversation on the phone today, and that was very nice. We talked about all sorts of things, from my crazy family, to our reunion when he comes home for R&R. We have a couple months to go, but it gets closer with every day that passes, and somehow that gives me a little comfort. Nothing really gives me too much comfort, but I try to look at the bright side of things for the most part. I have come a long ways in the 4 months that he's been gone. I have realized that this has made me realize how important he is to me. It has shown me that I love him more than I thought I did. I always knew that I loved him, but this has brought it to my attention exactly how much I love him, and need him. The appreciation that I have for Eric now is more than I have ever felt for anyone. He always did so much for me and for us, and I don't think that I ever gave him the credit that he deserved. Although I hate him being gone, I do appreciate the chance to see how much I do appreciate him, so that I can show him when he comes home. I am trying to show him while he's gone, as well. I always try to do little things for him, things that I think he would appreciate. For example, I took a bunch of pictures and put them together to give him a "tour" of this part of Oklahoma. We used to go driving around a lot, just enjoying the scenery, and since he's gone I thought he might like to see some of the things he misses now. He got it yesterday, and was really touched by it. He emailed me and told me how much he enjoyed going on the tour with me.

I think that he has changed since he's been gone too. He does little things for me to make me feel special too. We used to watch a show together, "Grounded For Life", and he found the first season on DVD over there (why they have it over there, I have no idea) and he bought it for me and sent it as a surprise. He wrote in his letter that he seen it and thought of me, and wanted me to know how much he misses me and loves me. Things like that just melt my heart. I love him so much. He is so sweet. So, when I look on the bright side I see that there has been good come out of this thing. Sometimes it takes me a while to get to that frame of mind though, but at least I am able to most of the time.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Well, I'm back from my mother-in-law's house. We had a pretty good visit. Everything went ok. The weather was weird. It was so windy all the way there and back. My sister went with me, so I had company for the drive. After we got to her house we went and got my sister-in-law, and then we went over to his cousin's. We had a pretty good visit. Everything went well. My mother-in-law didn't try to tell me "what I should do," so that was terrific. We stayed for about 4 hrs, then my sister and I went to Old Navy before heading home. We seen a pretty big fire up by OKC. I felt sorry for the firefighters having to deal with that on such a windy day. It looked almost foggy out because of all the dust. After about 30 mins of being home the whole town filled with smoke. I guess there was a pretty big fire somewhere around here, but I don't know where. I guess they got it under control though, because it cleared up after a while. I started the book, "A Year of Absence." I haven't got too far yet, but it's pretty good so far. I've heard good things about it, so I have high hopes for it. I am in my last week of these classes I'm taking (thank God). I have to take a final in algebra, and one more test in geography. I am so glad that I'm almost done with them. I finish them on Sunday and Monday I start abnormal psychology and intro to counseling. Yay me!

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Well, I have one day left, and then I have to go see my MIL. I think I'm going to take my little sister with me. She at least can keep me company on the drive there and back. She enjoys going to laugh at how ridiculous my sister-in-law acts sometimes. Sometimes I wonder what she's thinking (or if she is at all) about what she wears. She walks around in a wife beater and a sports bra. I'm thinking, "Ok, you're 23 yrs old, GROW UP!" Oh well, not my problem. My sister is 15 years old. She's such a doll, but spoiled rotten!!! I guess that comes with having a brother that is 9 years older and a sister that is 7 years older than she is. She has a good heart though, so that's ok. I enjoy her company. She's "quick witted" (as my grandpa always says when told he's a smart aleck). She came up and spent a month with Eric and me this past summer. We took her to the Country Stampede. Such fun, but I swear I thought I was going to die! It's so hot there. Of course I didn't die (lol). We bought a spray fan to help cool us off, and while going through the gate one day they made us dump out our water that was in it. I have no idea what the heck they thought it was, but we had to go buy a bottle of water just to fill it up again. So ridiculous. Oh well, we got to see ZZ Top, Keith Urban, Sugarland, and many many more, so it made it worth it. It was great. My brother went to Vegas yesterday. I told him to put money on #23 for me (I have no idea what that means, but he said he would, lol). Anyways, I hope that I have a good visit with my MIL. Shouldn't be too bad, considering it's been 3 months since I've seen her.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

I called my mother-in-law today. I hadn't talked to her in about a month, and I haven't seen her since before Christmas. She lives about 2 hours away from where I'm staying right now, so there's really no good explanation of why I haven't got up there to see her. I am going to see her this Sunday though, so I feel better since I talked to her. Sometimes I have a hard time getting to the point of wanting to go up and see her by myself. It was easier when Eric was around because he helped me out when I would be at a loss for something to say. Not that there's ever any dead space though, she talks A LOT. Well, she rambles a lot. I guess it's alright though. I get along with her pretty well. She's really good to me, and she even calls me "daughter #2" (after her own daughter, of course). She took me in from the start and made me feel at home. She even let me move in and live with her while Eric was at AIT. It was definitely nice of her. Don't get me wrong, we have had our differences. She gets on my nerves when she tries to butt into our business. I was raised to be my own person. My parents were always there for me, but after I turned 18 they didn't butt into my business unless I asked them to. They never ask about my finances, they never tell me what they think I should do about this or that. My mother-in-law, on the other hand, was still balancing Eric's checkbook when I met him. He worked, full time, but she still made him a budget, and with his own money, gave him an allowance. So, when we he went to AIT, he gave me his checkbook and told me to handle it. He told him mom that I was going to be taking care of it, and she didn't have to worry about it anymore. Well, she backed off, a little. She did, however, try to "teach" me how to do it her way. I kind of just smiled and nodded through it and went about my own business. From then to now, she has changed tremendously. She's not quite as pushy and nosey, but she has a favorite saying. I never thought I would hate something as much as I hate this phrase, "What you should do is..." That's like nails on a chalkboard to me. That's her way of trying to control the situation without actually saying, "do it my way." That's ok though. I think that when we moved to Kansas, 5 hrs from her, it helped things out. Now things are pretty good between us, and I don't feel the need to pull my hair out every time she opens her mouth. I know she just likes to help, and it's her nature to try to keep things under control. She was a single mom with twins, and an older son. She had to keep control of things, she was the only one they had. So, since I've gotten space from her, I've come to the conclusion that it's just her way of helping. Compared to stories I've heard of other people's MIL's, mine is wonderful.

Monday, March 06, 2006

I have to say, I hate dealing with cars with Eric being gone. I grew up with my dad taking care of everything. If I needed an oil change, dad did it. If I needed air in my tires, dad did it. Anything that was car related my dad took care of it for me. It was very nice. Then I got married. So, when I needed an oil change, Eric did it... So, I really never had to worry about that kind of thing. In fact, once when I was living at home I needed air in my tires, so I went and did it myself. Boy was I proud. I came home and told my dad, he went out there to see, it was flatter than when I took it up to the store. He wasn't all that thrilled with me. So, I told him "Fine, I won't do that anymore," and I didn't. Never. So, Eric leaves and I'm back with my parents. Well, my dad went and got new tires for Eric's truck today (Thank you so much Daddy!). For some reason the check engine light is on now. It wasn't there before he took it in, now it is. Well, due to some health problems my dad has, I hate having to ask him for help anymore. I have no clue what to do. I did ask my dad about it, he said that I might have to take it in and have the dealer look it over. I told Eric about it when he called me tonight, and he says the same thing. I hate dealing with this stuff. I guess I should have paid more attention to this kind of thing when I was younger. Maybe I would know more than the nothing I know now.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

I'm sitting here trying to read my physical geography book so that I can take a test by tomorrow. I have to read 2 chapters, and I've only read 2 pages so far. I'm working on my degree so that I can become a social worker. I love children, and I hate it when I see families treating their children badly, or when I see a situation where they could possibly be injured, or not taken care of the way that they should be. I want to be able to make a difference in those children's lives. So, to be able to do that I have to get my degree. Well, requirements to get an associates degree is a physical science. So, here I am reading about physical geography, something that I have little interest in, all so I can get a degree to help children. I fail to see how knowing how tectonic plates works has anything to do with what I want to do in my life. I'm also taking college algebra, another required class. Unless a child's mother/father is frustrated because they don't know the Pythagorean theorem and they are beating their children because of it, I again fail to see how that has anything to do with my field of interest. I've often wondered why it is that we have to have all of these insignificant classes that hold no relevance to what we want to do just to get a degree in what we do want to do. Then, I remember, money. Of course.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Eric and I were talking on the phone yesterday about children. We both want one, very badly. We had been trying pretty much ever since we got married (3 years ago), but he got sent overseas, so of course that had to be put on hold. In a way I'm kind of glad that we haven't had one yet, because I really don't want to do the whole single parent thing. On the other hand, though, I know that if I was placed in that situation I could and would handle it just fine. Anyways, twins run in his family. Some generations have twin girls, the other's have a twin boy and a twin girl. Well, Eric is the first twin boy to ever survive out of all the other generations. I guess he is my "miracle husband". We were talking about if we did have twins, and Eric said the sweetest thing to me. He told me that if we had twin girls and they looked like their mother, he would have a tough job keeping the boys away from them. Ahh... He's so sweet. I've heard that twins run on the mother's side, but I'm not sure. I guess that's something that we will have to figure out for ourselves.