I had a bit of a break down today, but I guess it's to be expected. The shorter the time gets the farther away it seems. It just seems that the end is right there, but I just can't get there. I'm thinking it wasn't the best idea in the world to move back up here and be alone. I did, however, make a friend but she's out of town right now, and I'm not sure when she'll be home. When she's home she helps fill my days up. Her husband just deployed last month, so she's just beginning the journey, although this is his second deployment.

I guess the only thing to do is keep on keepin' on. The Lord has got me through this much of it, He'll give me the strength for the rest.

I'm back in Kansas again. I had a hard time deciding if I should go ahead and come back up here or if I should stay down in Oklahoma for a while longer, but obviously coming back home won out. I'm glad I did too now. When I got home there was a note on my door that said my stationary bike would be delivered tomorrow. YAY! My parents gave me the money for it, they said I was doing a really good job, and to keep up the hard work. They're so sweet. The next time I see my family, Eric will be here. Man, it sounds so good to hear that, and to see it. They're going to try and come up, but they're not sure yet if they'll be able to. It's hard to make plans when you can't get a date nailed down. Eric's mom and sister will probably be up here, but his mom's a little anal when it comes to her work. When I called to tell her the time frame she was looking at the calendar trying to figure out if it would fall after she does payroll. Apparently the world would fall apart if she taught the other lady that works in the office how to do it for one week. Oh well, that's one of the many things you have to get used to when it comes to my MIL.

I guess it's because the time is coming up soon, but I've been very on edge the past few days. My sister was getting the brunt end of the deal yesterday. She seemed to be being very rude, and I snapped at her a couple times. When I apologized she said, "Geez, are you pregnant?" lol... Unfortunately, no. I just wish this time would get over with already.

I wonder if my neighbors wonder if I'll ever quit bringing boxes into this place. I swear it's like we have the stash of never-ending crap. At least most of the boxes this time was from stuff Eric sent home! YAY! It's kind of hard to find places to put it all though when you live in a two bedroom apartment. Gotta love the 700 pairs of issued boots! Maybe they do that because back in the day the soldiers had to wear their's for so long that they just ended up walking right out of them, so they don't want that to happen nowadays, so they issue as many as possible. Ok, I'm rambling, that's what happens when you drive 7 1/2 hrs ALONE from Oklahoma to Kansas, with nothing in between but some wheat fields. You go insane.

I'm so very tired, so if this post doesn't make sense, I'm so sorry.

When I got to my parent's house on Thursday I had two surprises that Eric sent me. In the first package I found a Nicholas Sparks book, "At First Sight." I love Nicholas Sparks' books and I love the movie "At First Sight," which is, of course, based off his novel. He also wrote "The Notebook." So sweet! The second package just made my heart melt even more. I opened it and in it was a note that said, "I seen this and thought of you. I love you always and forever, Eric ********." lol...First of all, he signs everything to me with his first and last name. That always cracks me up. Anyways, in that package was the movie, "Fried Green Tomatoes." Oh my gosh, I LOVE this movie. It's one of my favorites and Eric knows that I love it and he bought it for me. How sweet!!! I have also received two packages from him of his stuff! YAY!!! There is one more box on the way and it's the guitar that one of his old roommates gave him.

All three of his roommates have left to go home. He was in a room all by himself for the remainder of the time there. Until one female NCO decided she wanted a room all to herself so they kicked him out and made him move in with two new people that he's never met for the remainder of his stay. Anyways, I was a little aggrivated about that, but hey, it's the Army way.

Yesterday I got up and talked to Eric, then I took my sister and her friend to Oklahoma City to the mall. We left at 10 a.m. and was home by 5 p.m. It was an alright trip, but I was tired after that. Then I got home and my brother's exgf was wanting me to go to a girls night with her. I said alright because she said she wasn't staying the night, just going over there for a while. We went over there and had some fun just sitting around talking and laughing about the good ole days. There was just 5 of us, and 4 of us used to be pretty good friends back in the day, so it was good to catch up. Well, we stayed longer than I expected. I actually just got home, and have had no sleep since I woke up at 8 yesterday morning. I can't wait to climb into bed and catch some zzzz's but Eric's going to call this morning and I know if I don't wait up I won't wake up when he calls, or I'll be falling asleep while he's trying to talk to me, lol. I defintely don't want that, because I treasure every second I have talking to him. I've neglected my homework this week and if I don't get it done today I will be behind, but that's about 10000 on my list of things to do, so I don't actually care about that at this particular time.

We had our redeployment briefing today, which was really nice. The meeting itself sucked, but just the thought that they are coming home soon is nice. I'm so excited that soon I will be back with my husband, where we belong. I have no idea what to do for his homecoming. I'm really at a loss for creative ideas. I just want my husband home. I just want next month to be here and over with. Our FRG leader asked me today if I was excited about them coming home soon. I said "Yeah." She said, "You don't look like it." How am I supposed to look? I'm not going to jump up and down at a redeployment briefing when we still have some time left and there was no mention of an exact date and especially with people who I have had basically no contact with over the past year. My husband, the love of my life, my best friend, is coming home after being away for a year. Of course I'm excited. Put him in front of me and then see how excited I am, lol. I'm going back to Oklahoma tomorrow. I'm dreading the trip, but tomorrow is my sister's 16th birthday. I can't believe that she's going to be 16. I absolutely HATE that! She's not supposed to be that big, she's just supposed to be a little girl forever. Is that too much to ask?

Well, I have neglected "Gettin' Fit Friday" for a few weeks, but most of it was due to situations that were not in my control. Anyways, hopefully now I can get back to updating about that. I have still been doing good with my exercises. I have lost 65 1/2 pounds so far. I've been having to improvise as far as working out, since I don't have my treadmill or the stationary bike at the moment. I've just been using my "Billy Bands" for resistance and doing my own thing. The bike I was using is my dad's and since I moved I have to get my own. My parents would have given me the one of his but it was a birthday present, lol. They did give me money to get a new one, they said they were very proud of me and it was my present for doing so well. They certainly are very sweet people.

I came up to Kansas on Wednesday. After I got the news that we're having the redeployment briefing, I decided to come up and get this apartment done. I spent all evening on Wednesday working on this place, but I didn't yesterday. I met another military wife on one of the military wife groups I'm in, and we hung out yesterday, she's such a sweetheart too. Her husband just left to go overseas a couple weeks ago. Today, though, I have spent all day working on this place. I got up and finished my history homework real fast and the rest of the time I've been going and going trying to get all the boxes unpacked. I swear I think I've walked about 10 miles just around this place. I have made some really good progress though. I have unpacked EVERY box, except 2! Aaahhhh....time to sit and rest. Where does all the crap come from? I swear it didn't seem like we had this much stuff when we packed it up. It didn't seem like it when it was out in the other apartment either, but now, it seems like it in a big way. Stuff all over. No place to put it. What do I do? That's why man made the trash can! lol... I'm going back to Oklahoma next week for my sister's birthday, but so far staying up here hasn't been too bad. I'm just so ready for my husband to be here with me again. Right where he's supposed to be. I can't specify a date that Eric will be home, the closest I can say is I'll see him next month, but man it feels so good to say that! He said he was looking at the calendar yesterday and got excited seeing how many days we're down to. Lord help the time to go by quickly!

I am so very excited right now. I just got a call from my POC, and she said they have scheduled a redeployment briefing for next week. She also gave me a time frame for when they will be home, which is so exciting because it's a little before what we last heard!!! I'm so happy, I just want to do a little dance. So, my plans of staying here until my sister's birthday have changed, but it's well worth it. Although, she might be a little upset because I'm going to be late for her birthday party. Oh, well, she'll get over it. I'm so super excited right now!!!! YAY!!! The end is finally in sight and it's almost time to be with my husband again!!!!!

I got back from Kansas today. My grandpa's funeral was yesterday, it went as good as a funeral can go. They had a family dinner at 11:30 followed by a flower service (which, by the way, is a bit of a waste of time) and then the funeral started at 2. A lady sang "Wind Beneath My Wings" and then the lady that sang at my grandma's funeral sang "I Saw the Light" and "Old Rugged Cross." Grandpa always liked the ladies voice when she sang at Grandma's funeral, so they got her to sing for his too. When we went out to the cemetery, they had the military do the 21-gun salute, taps and the flag folding honors. That was really touching. Eric suggested to me that they ask the military to do the honors, and when I told my family they really liked the idea. It was so neat watching how precise and serious they take it. It filled me with pride knowing that Grandpa Ed fought for this country. He never talked much about his service, but he didn't have to. We all knew what he did for our country, and I think that's what makes the best soldier, doing what they have to do without wanting the recognition that they deserve. He went out with the highest honors though, and that is exactly what he deserved. The military gave the flag to my uncle, the oldest son, and he gave it to my dad. I told him I would buy him a display case to put it in. It was so weird going up there without him there. His wife sold his house a couple months ago and it was really odd not being able to over there to his house this time. My heart breaks for my dad and his brother and sisters. Dad isn't taking this very well, and he told me the other day, "It sure hurts to not have a mom or a dad anymore." He'll be fine, and time will help him deal, but I just wish I could help.

My parents were going up to Kansas yesterday to be with Grandpa and I was planning on staying home. The dr and nurses told everyone up there that they thought Grandpa was holding on for dad, so they decided to go up there. They were just supposed to go up yesterday, come home today and then go back tomorrow. I planned on just going back up with them when they went, but we got word yesterday that the dr gave him less than 24 hrs to live, so I decided to go up with them. My brother was going to take his vehicle later in the day, so I went with my mom, dad, and sister. When we got to the town where my aunt lives (an hr from where we were going) I decided to get out and wait on my brother, cause he was on his way up and only about 45 mins behind us. Mom, Dad and Meg went ahead of us and when we were about 30 mins from where we were going we got a call from Meg. Grandpa passed away. We went as fast as we could to get there and it seemed like an eternity. My brother said that he bet Grandma was up in Heaven singing a tune. When we got there my Aunt Dixie said that she was with Grandpa when he passed. It was right before my parents got there and she said she was outside and the nurse came and got her. She ran in and she said she grabbed his hand and said, "Dad, I love you and Tommy's here." (Tommy is my dad.) She said as soon as she said that he took his last breath. His funeral is Saturday at 2. Since he was in Korea, Eric suggested that they have a military funeral for him, and I told them that. Everyone really liked the idea, so they're sending him out with the honor he deserves. It's so sad to think that Grandpa isn't with us anymore. We won't ever be able to go up and see him at his house. There will definitely be a void in all of us. Nothing or nobody can every take the place of that guy. He's one of a kind. I'm just glad that he's not suffering anymore. The last couple years have been torture for the guy, losing his mind and knowing that he's losing it. The last two months have been agonizing for him, and the past two weeks I'm sure have been hell. He's up in Heaven with Jesus now, singing and laughing and being with the love of his life. For that, I am extremely grateful. I just wish it didn't hurt so much, I wish Eric was here for me to lean on.

This weekend has to go down as one of the worst in the history of my weekends. Friday I started to load the truck up with our things. Right away I climbed up in the bed of the truck, underneath the carport and hit my head on the metal bar that runs across the bottom of it. I laughed that off, and moved on. We loaded the treadmill, with my brother's help. He complained the whole time (that's the only thing we asked him to load). Then after it was loaded I decided it was taking up too much room and I wouldn't have enough room for everything else I had to take, so mom said I could keep it there and just get it when Eric got home. So, we waited on my brother to leave (so he wouldn't gripe about having to load it for nothing) before we unloaded it. Then we loaded the dresser and desk. The desk took up so much room and I hate that desk anyways (why I bought a black desk and all glass table tops when we picked out our furniture I'm still trying to figure out) , so after trying to load all the boxes around the desk (and hitting my head on that bar 3 more times) I got frustrated. Mom kept asking me, "Do you really need to take that?" I kept telling her that this is the last time I'm going to have any help, I don't want to have a bunch of crap to haul all by myself next time. I got mad and got in the back of the truck with a hammer and tore the desk down, in the process I hit my head yet another time on the bar and then hit it with the hammer. I was really frustrated but beating the desk down did help lol. I got almost everything loaded, minus a couple boxes I'll have to bring up here next time, and got the tarp on. That was the end of Friday.

Saturday was pretty uneventful, my sister and I made the trip up here. It was the longest this trip has every seemed to take. It was horribly long. It rained the whole way. The tarp started to come loose once, but I got out and fixed it and that's the most trouble it gave me. We got up here, unloaded, stayed up till 12:30 trying to get a few things done and putting my file cabinet together, that ended Saturday.

Sunday has stunk all the way around. First, I took my sister to the mall and when we were leaving my mom called and told me that Grandpa's breathing is really bad. She said that the dr and nurses told them that when a person loves their family as much as he does that sometimes they will hold on just for them. Well, I guess yesterday all of his kids (my dad included) told him that it's ok to leave and go be with Jesus. So mom wanted my sister and me to call and talk to grandpa and let him know that it's ok, since we have a very close relationship. When I got back home I called the hospital and had my aunt hold the phone to his ear. I told him that it's ok to let go and go be with Jesus, that he's done everything he can for his family and that we love him. Of course he didn't say anything because he's not coherent anymore, but it was still a hard conversation to have. After hanging up there I decided to try and get a few things accomplished around the house. I will say that I'm proud of myself, I put together the new, much improved, desk (with some help from my sister) without any incident or without getting frustrated. As soon as I got it together, I put my computer up and was hooking up my printer. My parents bought me a printer for Christmas last year, a really nice one. I love that printer. It has the place to stick the memory card for my digital camera in it, making it super easy to make prints off, it has the scanner, copier, ect. I love it. Well, as I was plugging it in, it falls off the stupid desk, and shattered. Great. I called my mom upset, she told me not to worry about it. I shook that off and went to Wal Mart to do some grocery shopping. We went in, got everything I needed, paid, come out and unload them into the truck. My sister went to put the cart away, I push the button to unlock the driver's side, put my purse in the passenger side and shut the door. I walk around to the driver's side, and low and behold, the door is locked. I pushed it the wrong way. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! I called my mom again, lol. She asked dad what I should do, he said go ask the customer service people if they have a way to get it open, if not call a lock smith. I went in, they didn't have a way, I called a lock smith. We went back out the truck and stood there for over an hour waiting on some guy to come, work for 1 minute and charge me $35. Oh well, we were able to finally leave. Now, I'm back home, I talked to Eric, he definitely made me feel better, and it's still not the end of Sunday.